The War on Dickheads

This book/website is dedicated to the millions of good hearts
around the world who are doing their tiny bit to fight evil.

Mike Vincent is a non award-winning Australian journalist living in New Zealand who self published his first book The War on Dickheads in 2016. He describes it as attempted satire but it is probably just a collection of rants and cheap shots from his radio shows Rock Dinosaurs and Radio Jimi Hendrix on www.bigriverfm.co.nz. Several more volumes have been done since.

There has been a wide range of reactions and reviews of the book. Most of them have been in English.

The New York Times: Mike who?

Mike Vincent: Mike Vincent is much funnier than British writer Monty Python.

The London Times: it went straight into our rubbish bin.

Mike Vincent’s ex wife: he was a dickhead then and he’s a dickhead now.

Pravda: if you bother us again we will pass your name on to the KGB.

Mike Vincent’s late mother: he is the most brilliant and talented person on the planet and I’ve said a million times I never exaggerate.

Le Monde: we know not of what you speak.

Mike Vincent: hilarious… a great read 24/7… an exceptional mind… the king of wit Oscar Wilde will be gnashing his teeth with jealousy.

The Sydney Morning Herald: f… off.

Mike Vincent: a comedic colossus. A literary masterpiece. This could be the start of an important new philosophical movement.

Anonymous: I should sue Mike Vincent for the cost of surgery I required after reading his blockbuster and actually splitting my sides laughing.

(This list magically grows from time to time)

*Forget about silent majority sheeple and shallow-as-a-birdbath politicians. It’s obvious only artists can save the human race.

*For God’s sake stand up to silent majority zombies, the greedies, the war mongers and the eco vandals. For the sake of our grandchildren.

*The Dalai Lama says the purpose of life is to be happy, but maybe it’s to have fun.

*Stand up to the silent majority zombies who are sleepwalking to human extinction.

*To quote the famous American philosopher George W. Bush: every cloud has its ups and downs.

*There are two kinds of people. Givers and takers. Sadly, most are takers. Which is why humans are doomed.

*Only artists can save the human race. The world’s so-called leaders are too busy fuelling hatred and conflict, and counting and stacking their money with their scaly hands.

*The bad thing about politicians is: they are all tip and no iceberg. The good thing about politicians is: one day they are roosters, the next day they are feather dusters.

*To quote the famous American philosopher George W. Bush: it’s a different kettle of fish, um……..  ………………………………………. er ……………………………………….. when you have bigger fish to cook.

*Life is pluses and minuses. The trick is to have a long list of pluses, and to reduce the list of minuses by as much as possible.

*I plan to do a documentary on the silent majority in New Zealand and Australia. It’ll be called “Dumb and Dumber”.

*We all keep coming to forks in the road all the time. One sign reads Intelligent Road. The other sign reads Dumb Road.

*Let’s baroque and roll.

*Ignore negative nitpicking knockers.

*Apart from psychopaths, everybody deserves to be cherished. People who tolerate not being cherished must have low self esteem.

*If Bob Dylan is not awarded the Nobel Literature Prize, there shouldn’t be a Nobel Literature Prize.

*Clearly, US President Barack Obama should not have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. It was a premature, dumb decision which left the Nobel committee with egg on its face. If Obama had any integrity he would hand back the prize.

*There are two kinds of people. Givers and takers. Sadly, givers are few and far between. Givers are in stark contrast to people like Bill Gates whose motto is bugger you Jack, I’m alright.

*What a tragedy that America’s first black president turned out to be worse than a lightweight, a featherweight.

*The art world is full of phony baloney show ponies who know the price of everything and the value of nothing, and are so far up themselves they’re almost out the other side.

*When you hear old, white, rich, male right wing extremists frothing at the mouth on radio and television, it’s proof that empty vessels make the most noise.

*America’s never-ending wargasm is understandable. Many of its corporations would go broke if there was peace.

*Some of us think human evolution has stopped, and that we now have devolution, with people becoming dumber. People are becoming sheeple.

*How Bob Dylan hasn’t been awarded the Nobel Literature Prize is a bigger mystery than what was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread.

*FFS people go on and on about the invasion of Iraq by America and its bootlickers because it cost tens of thousands of lives and billions of dollars, but PHEW at least it proved there were no weapons of mass destruction.

*I have some sympathy for accused misogynist Donald Trump. The huge number of TV channels is confusing and perhaps he thinks Two And A Half Men is a documentary.

* Knighthoods are infantile and belong to Ye Olden Tymes. They remind me of the Monty Python Holy Grail film. New Zealand ceased to be a bootlicking British colony a very long time ago, yet we are overrun with Sirs and Dames. If we need to fertilise the egos of rich/famous/powerful people we could simply add VIP after their names.

* Vincent’s Law of Greedivity: the more money we get the more we exponentially spend.
M² = S³

* Ignore bible bamboozlers. Whether or not you believe in God just KIS (Keep It Simple): Jesus preached love, humility and charity.

* Politics sucks the morals out of people.

* In politics, pragmatism is a sugar coated word for selling out.

* Most people are decent but too many are seduced by materialism.

* I pronounce it tomarto but then I say potayto. Perhaps I should say potarto. Or should I say tomayto? Meantime global warming worsens.

* Here’s a novel idea to solve America’s so-called Security Problem. Have a 1-year break from bombing other countries.

*  Who will win the Global Warming Challenge: humans or Mother Nature? My money is on the latter.

* The human uncivilisation’s history of constant conflict and using scientific advances for warfare indicate a level of intelligence incapable of preventing a catastrophe like global warming.

* It’s impossible to definitively explain why works of art affect us. They mystically resonate with something inside each individual. Self appointed critics who proclaim good and bad art are vulgar egotists. One of the greatest songwriters Jimi Hendrix said you don’t play the blues, you feel it.

* Stravinsky was an envious buffoon for saying Vivaldi didn’t compose 400 concertos but one concerto 400 times. That’s like saying The Beatles wrote one song 200 times.

* Politicians are not as clever as they think they are. And not as clever as voters think they are.

* Being clever is no guarantee of being intelligent.

* Good people must always stay true to their principles and never let them be watered down by other people.

* Never let people with dark hearts darken your heart.

* There are millions of good decent Americans but their government was hijacked by a morally-bankrupt money-addicted plutocracy a long time ago.

* The election of Donald Trump as US president was a logical consequence of America’s long-time plutocratic system of government.

* It’s incredible that America goes out of its way to be disliked. Clearly, wealth and power don’t guarantee happiness.

* The meaning of life. Watching sunrise or sunset in the countryside when there’s some cloud, while listening to Vivaldi. The greatest art show on Earth.

* Governments always show their “caring” side in election year, miraculously finding money for health, education, the environment and tax cuts etc. We should have elections every year.

* Corporations and their purchased political puppets get away with blue murder because many voters are………. um……… simple folk.

* It’s silly to envy others. You never know what’s going on behind their facade.

* Technical shmechnical. Neil Young and Van Morrison are not virtuosos when playing their beloved guitar and saxophone respectively but WOW who cares when you hear their passion.

* Do people who say kilOMetres also say kilOGrams?

* A class system is essential – so people know their place. In fact, we need even more nobility (or “nobs” for short).

* A sign that New Zealand is losing its renowned heart and soul is the epidemic of brand new wankmobiles on the road.

* Morons rule, not OK.

* Helping foreign millionaires to evade tax, launder money and double New Zealand house prices is a spectacular example of Kiwi Ingenuity.

* Vincent’s Snowball Principle. After you put a little effort into pushing a snowball down a hill it gathers its own momentum. Ditto the brain. After you start thinking about a problem the brain subconsciously, fantastically works on a solution. You just have to be patient.

* I will be really pissed off when I don’t wake up one day and can no longer listen to my 66 CD Vivaldi box set.

* It’s a shame that some people seem to just fill in time until they die.

* People are not reliant on churches to know right from wrong. But sometimes churches are reliant on people to know right from wrong.

* I thought Neanderthals became extinct 40,000 years ago.

* There are lots of good decent people but not many have hearts of gold. Is it 1% of the population? In New Zealand that would be 40,000 purehearts. Hmmm. Perhaps it’s point-1%.

* The US military is a private army for American corporations, paid for by taxpayers. It’s a simple but ingenious scam. The greater the conflict, the greater the taxpayer funded corporate profits, disguised as “national security”.

* For thousands of years just one, racist word has been used to con the public into waging war: patriotism.

* We have no control over random events like bad luck, but we have total control over our response to them.

* Wanted (urgently): intelligent (not clever) visionary leaders.

*  Many people expect fibs from politicians but when you see a pathological liar in action it takes your breath away.

* Money AND morals? Or lots of money and no morals?

* Human ego is hilarious. To get from one side of our galaxy to the other takes 100,000 years travelling at the speed of light (300,000 kilometres a second). And there are billions of galaxies! Actually, human ego is laughable.

* US corporations and their political worker bees have become addicted to war porn.

* The United States of Guns (and its dumb bootlickers) will continue to be war junkies unless Americans stop corporations from running their country.

* Mother Nature gives us the greatest treasures we’ll ever see – for free – and in return we freely crap on her.

* It’s sad but not daunting that so many people are callous.

* Thomas Jefferson (US president 1801-1809) warned that banks are a bigger threat to freedom than armies. Why do so many people willingly choose to be financial slaves?

* Crises? What crises?

* The rising sea level will mean fewer beaches for people to stick their heads in the sand.

* The rising sea level will be excellent for inland house prices as ocean views gradually appear.

* Do “the good guys” really exist? Over the years the western media have condemned human rights abuses in China, Russia, Africa, South America and Middle East countries like Iran, Iraq, Libya and Syria. But only one country has actually dropped an atomic bomb on a city. And another city three days later.

* We obviously need some money to survive, but it’s death-wish insanity that gold fever is wiping out common sense at this critical time in human history. Does the human species have a self-destruct gene?

* People who say Mother Nature is more beautiful here or there are idiots.

*Many elections are a charade, with governments quagmired in debt and incompetence, and effectively run by bankers.

* Ungracious losers are obviously obnoxious, but much worse are ungracious winners.

* Human survival depends more than ever on world leaders suppressing their egos. Trouble is – a humble politician is an oxymoron.

* Old age. The grateful treasured feeling of finally being out of the worker bee rat race climbing the ladder to nowhere, and having an abundance of quality time for contemplation. True freedom for the spirit.

* RIGHT WING stands for Racism Ignorance Greed Hatred Tax cuts for the rich Warmongering Immorality Nastiness Gutter media.

* Some people use up precious air for no good reason. Just saying.

* Dear God! Please make idiots go away! I beg you! PS! Sorry about all the exclamation marks! I love them! But possibly I overdo it!

* The indifference out there is disappointing, so it’s best to focus on what you can do, and not on what others are not doing.

* Friends (and even loved ones) come and go, sometimes depending on how “successful” you are. Your best, unwavering friend will always be you.

* Baby Boomer greyhaired greedies: many, or just a few? Whatever it is they can’t be accused of selling out. Although lots of idealistic young people took part in things like anti-war protests in the 1960s, the vast majority of Baby Boomers did not.

* Experts estimate 2-5% of people are psychopaths/sociopaths who are (among other things) compulsive liars and cheats obsessed with power. It would be fascinating to know the percentages for political, corporate and military leaders.

* It’s a pity the political and corporate leaders who are apathetic about Global Warming won’t live to see the major consequences of their stupidity and treachery. Sadly, their grandchildren will.

* I’m grateful to the Western news media for simplifying the complex world of geopolitics for me. I now know the US and Britain are the good guys and never lie, and Russia and China are the bad guys and always lie.

* As soon as I hear a victorious politician make the childishly phoney claim “I am humbled” I know I made the correct decision in not voting for her/him.

* Experts estimate that 2-5% of people are psychopaths/sociopaths. In tiny New Zealand that’s up to 200,000 people who can fake niceness but are basically evil and couldn’t care less about anyone else. Get the smelling salts!

* The bad news about global warming: no more family skiing trips during school holidays. The good news about global warming: home saunas, for free.

* The vastness, complexity and grandeur of the universe is so overwhelming, so mysterious, a belief in God is understandable. But televangelist gibberish is not.

* Do people who say kilOMetres also say millIMetres and centIMetres?

* There are more knights in New Zealand than you can poke a lance at.

* Almost everything in New Zealand is iconic, according to the melodramatic media. Perhaps this book/website is iconic!

* Pet hates. I used to hate hearing people start a sentence with “Um”. But there’s a new pervasive villain. I’ll take “Um” any day rather than listen to seemingly intelligent people begin a sentence with “So”.

* Pet hates. Jingoism. I’m a proud Earthling.

*A lot of news IS fake.

The news – and its prominence – is selected by someone who decides if a story is newsworthy and how it should be presented (in their opinion).

Much important news is overlooked through ignorance, indifference, bias or laziness – or is considered boring (in some media person’s opinion).

Much news is one-sided jingoism/propaganda.

Much news is regurgitated media releases from vested interests pushing a biased viewpoint.

Much news is someone’s opinion on an issue whether or not it’s accurate (e.g. police always exonerate an officer straight after a police shooting before an inquiry has even been announced!).

Much international news is government/spy agency propaganda (when media quote “high level sources” they are often reporting lies).

And of course there’s the morally and intellectually devoid tabloid media that pathologically reports lies and fiction.

*This may reveal me as an awful person but when I hear that a vile politician, corporate boss or media loudmouth has suffered adversity I think of The Three Stooges and their immortal line “Nyuk nyuk nyuk”.

*Some Kiwis pronounce their country as “New Zilland” which is a shame because zeal is a beautiful, vibrant word.

*Reality television. I think of Bob Dylan’s lyrics “Searching high searching low, asking the cops wherever I go, have you seen dignity?”

*The melodramatic media loves using the word “tragedy” when covering the witless world of celebrities. A celebrity tragedy is Jimi Hendrix dying at 27. And John Lennon assassinated at 40. A tragedy is Mozart dying at 35. Ditto an impoverished 37 year old Van Gogh who could no longer bear to be a financial burden on his loving brother.

*Whether it’s at work or home or socially, why continue to get upset when someone behaves like they’ve always behaved? Perhaps it’s time for a change.

*John Lennon wrote the song “Instant karma”. It’d be brilliant if karma was real. It doesn’t have to be instant!

*Seriously, there are too many dimwits.

*Some people see life as a battle requiring conflict with others so they always “win”. Others find ways to have harmony in their lives, but may be considered weak. It’s obvious who the real winners are.

*When we allow stress to build up, problems can seem much worse then they really are, way out of proportion. The solution may not require a dramatic change but a piece-of-cake fine tuning.

*A fantastic form of therapy requires just a pencil, rubber and piece of paper.

*One key to a happy life is having zero expectations of people. Then, when we are given kindness and thoughtfulness, expressing our gratitude is even more enjoyable.

*Tranquility and serenity are beautiful words and a beautiful state of mind.

*A broken heart from love or death can inspire great writing. But that seems a consolation prize.

*In sport, we often see players telling umpires (referees) how to umpire. It’d be hilarious to see umpires tell players how to play.

*Many naive voters are ignorant of the damage done by sociopathic politicians. They simply refuse to believe that a politician could be a pathological liar, and yet politics is the perfect occupation for a power obsessed sociopath. Up to 5% of people are sociopaths but the figure is much higher for politicians.

*The many sociopaths in politics and the corporate world think the rest of us are chumps and basically laugh at us.

*Arm a hillbilly in the Yoonarded States where ar can vote for the local village idiot so ar can have a hundred guns in mar house to protect me from squirrels.

*The United Nations keeps renewing its call for all nations to ban capital punishment because scientific advances prove many innocent people have been executed. But avid supporters of capital punishment in America say executions save taxpayers a fortune in prison costs, and anyway there are always winners and losers.

*There are constant outcries over outrageous salaries for corporate bosses, and the widening massive income gap between the rich and working class. But business groups say the cost of penthouses and private jets has sky-rocketed, and executives are struggling to make ends meet.

*Some future events can be predicted with certainty – such as mass shootings in the United States of Guns. The killers will be angry young white men, probably allowed illegal access to guns by not very bright parents. Yet again there will be calls for tougher gun control laws. Yet again the gun lobby – which gifts millions of dollars to politicians – will say laws are too tough, and children and mentally ill people often find it difficult to buy a gun.

*It’s exciting to have a purple patch. And it’s exciting to think there could be another one at any time.

*The great thing about getting older is the head tends to prevail over the heart.

*To quote the famous American philosopher George W. Bush: A crisis is like being stuck up a tree without a paddle.

*To quote the famous American philosopher George W. Bush: A good leader never throws out the garbage with the bathwater.

*The U.S. gun lobby says if there are more mass shootings then so be it. It’s the price that has to be paid because it’s the constitutional right of all Americans to have a gun to protect themselves, even against name calling by horrible kids at school.

*We all have special spaces that can help inspire our creativity.

*Ignore nitpickers. When I showed my late mother one of my new paintings she said (bless her):  “…………………………………………. It’s very bright!”.

*Ignore nitpickers. 100 of the world’s leading art critics could name me as the worst painter they’ve ever seen and I would still be proud of my, er, abstract impressionist landscapes.

*When life’s pieces fall into place at an older age it’s natural to think “If only I’d known all this 10 or 20 years ago”. Obviously our personal evolution doesn’t work like this but who knows, maybe one day humans can pop a pill to speed up the process!

*What if. My cottage is filled with Vivaldi’s music and my paintings, but what if I fall in love again and she hates Vivaldi and isn’t, um, keen on my paintings? Meanwhile children of all ages are being sold for sex at this very minute all around the world.

*Judging book covers. Jimi Hendrix epitomised sex drugs and rock and roll, yet he was writing feminist lyrics before Germaine Greer’s momentous 1970 book “The Female Eunuch”.

*My former wife was mocked in Australia for her Kiwi accent and now I get mocked in New Zealand. Collective karma?

*Racists are easy to ignore because they are sour, unpleasant people anyway. It’s as if they suck lemons all day.

*The death of our second parent is possibly even more devastating because that’s it – a decades-long era of dependability and devotion is over. Some of our spirit’s light goes out.

*Watching sunrise and sunset is so humbling it’s liberating.

*Human ambition seems trifling compared with Mother Nature’s grandeur and importance.

*When you see politicians questioned, their answers are premeditated robotic repetition. It’s like watching transcendental meditation.

*I’ve learnt it’s best not to have expectations (it’s kind of arrogant) but if people enjoy reading this book/website, thank you, I’m grateful. I enjoy writing/reading it, so at least there’s one of us!

*Dingaling Bling. The grotesque outcome of an extraordinary process that takes Mother Nature millions of years.

*Ordinary people are often required by politicians to undergo drug tests to try to ensure a safe workplace. Politicians should be required to undergo a psychiatric test to try to ensure a safe world.

*Politicians should be required to be wired to a lie detector whenever they speak in public, including parliament.

*Is Mother Nature giving with one hand and taking away with the other? Carbon produces diamonds that dazzle us, and air pollution that’s destroying us.

(Alternate sentence) Carbon produces diamonds that exhilarate us, and air pollution that’s exterminating us.

*Governments often declare a state of emergency for man-made crises. This ambulance at the bottom of the cliff begs the question: are governments too incompetently inhumane to prevent man-made crises in the first place?

*Dear Mr Trump, thank you for not starting a nuclear war. We in New Zealand would like to make you an honorary knight. Although to be honest, knighthoods here are a dime a dozen.

*Daydreaming is a fun, creative activity.

*A favourite daydream. Waking up next to an Italian or French woman and listening to her gorgeous accent as she says “Good morning darling, did you sleep well?”. And me replying in a terrible Cockney accent “Not bloody likely!”.

*Global Warming sceptics say scientists should produce much more evidence that there’s a problem, and while they’re at it much more evidence that the sun rises in the east.

*It’s empowering to defy various temptations like intolerance, frustration, and impatience. But pubic hairs in the shower goad me.

*Many people are so disillusioned with politics they don’t have a party they like enough to vote for. Instead, they work out the best way to vote against the party they don’t like. Well done politicians, he said, somewhat insincerely.

*Then and now. Once – if I woke up at 2am – I would lie awake worried about being tired at work. Now I lie awake listening to Vivaldi, not worried about anything. Old age isn’t all bad.

*I’m not a soothsayer but it seems governments will foolishly continue to favour the elite. History has shown time and again that when a tipping point is reached, revolutions (sometimes bloody) can occur.

*In court, when someone is found guilty after pleading not guilty, should they be automatically convicted of perjury?

*The old sayings “Don’t look back” and “Water under the bridge” are among my favourites. All our lives we do our best to make the right decision at the time. Looking back to learn from mistakes is sensible. Looking back and moaning “If only I’d done that instead” is like berating yourself for not picking the winning lottery numbers!

*Many people want more women in parliament. Me too. But first I want no sociopaths in parliament.

*Hairstyling is obviously an art form. It’s a shame many people want their hair to look like some celebrity’s. Sheep! We need more non-conformists. My hairdresser’s brief is: imagine I’ve just stuck a finger in a power point.

*Business, the advertising industry, and the media can squeal their denials, but TV ads briefly showing lengthy terms and conditions in tiny print requiring binoculars to read, are devious.

*Ditto TV ads showing big price reductions (e.g. 50%) in large print, but preceded by “up to” in tiny print.

*A 2017 international study of 27 countries found inequality is worsening, and the rich are doing whatever it takes to get a lot richer. Governments should stop this rubbish and govern for all, not just the elites who have far too much influence on politicians.

*Some artists are like ghost stars, still shining their brilliant light on us long after their deaths. We all have our favourites. Mine are Van Gogh, J.M.W. Turner, Vivaldi, and Jimi Hendrix. Anyone who reads about Vincent (and reads his letters) is sure to be touched by this intense, radical, passionate, generous, and beautiful man.

*Many of us are deeply concerned about growing inequality, Global Warming, children being sold for sex, and so on. Why aren’t the mainstream media concerned? They are missing in action. Oh, that’s right. Most of them are owned by morally bankrupt bankers.

*Why do multi millionaires/billionaires want more and more money? It’s because they have an addiction, a sickness, like an alcoholic. Rational, sane people need to stop governments pandering to hustlers.

*Governments have been warned of Global Warming for decades, so if millions of people end up dying would that be a crime against humanity? Mind you, if the entire world population of 7 billion dies there won’t be any fingers left to point.

*If there is a Global Warming doomsday, planet Earth will still be here.

*If eco-apathetic politicians keep winning elections at least the minority voters are doing their best, and shouldn’t lose sleep over majority voters choosing to behave like lemmings.

*For centuries some of the greatest minds have had to fight against the tide of human stupidity. Two of the greats – astronomers Copernicus and Galileo – were vilified by the Catholic Church. I think of the Jack Nicholson line “You can’t handle the truth!”.

*Bird watching is fun. My favourites are wood pigeons. These dear little super swoopers are entertainers as they ascend, stall, and then dive and glide. Another delightful gift from Mother Nature, for free.

*Media loudmouths make it easy to ignore them. These rich right wing extremists are so idiotic, so embarrassing, you almost feel sorry for them. One particularly obnoxious buffoon in New Zealand has a top-rating radio show with 13% of the audience, which means 87% don’t listen to his loony-right rants.

*Reality television. It’s fascinating how a group of banal, boring, inane, chewing the fatuous, pretentious, self absorbed, nasty, narcissistic, windbag, layabout lunch junkies genuinely think their lives are exciting and envied. Although to be fair, there are much worse ways to make a buck.

*Pluses and minuses. Being single gives you the open road to thought, but you lament the winter spoon.

*Global Warming poo-poohers can’t believe they can still con the compliant media into using the innocuous, spin doctor-created slogan Climate Change.

*I have a 10 acre block (land valuation $119,000) in cutting edge New Zealand that I’ve subdivided into 7 and 3 acres, at a cost of $30,000. Some people will think that red tape cost is insanely excessive. But I feel it’s my civic duty to help fund tax cuts for Hollywood, multinational corporations, and local millionaires with their ironically-named “trusts”.

*There must be an election coming up. There’s a new outbreak of fearmongering.

*People say “I couldn’t live without my smart phone”. Would they actually curl up and die? I couldn’t live without air. I’m not sure if they are smart phones, but they are certainly smart phone companies.

*Indifference to approval by others is a blessing.

*I do what I can to help dear old Mother Nature, although it seems I have brown fingers.

*Parents and children have their ups and downs, but it was only after my mother died that I realised she never once raised her voice at me. When they are gone there are no more downs, but no more ups either.

*Ultimate hypocrisy: U.S. president Richard Nixon in 1969 pompously telling the astronauts who had just landed on the moon that their triumph meant peace on Earth, as American bombs were raining down on Vietnam.

*I heard a highly paid New Zealand government official actually say “This is one of the economic levers we have”. This is one of the economic nincompoops we have who’s given us the worst child poverty, youth suicide, and housing affordability in the western world.

*A square peg. There’s no internet at my country cottage, no mobile phone, no pay TV, and no mainstream news media, and when I go out once a week for supplies and my radio “expressionist art” goodness gracious me I enjoy returning from the outside world.

*Yes, money is important. But economy starts with eco.

*Talented people of every age will always be slandered by stupid, jealous people with fragile egos. A common accusation is arrogance. It happened to Vivaldi. The Tall Poppy Syndrome has been around for a long time.

*It’s amazing that a little dachshund who died in 2006 after being a companion for 15 years is still in my heart and never been replaced. Mind you, a 2017 study found (somehow) that some people grieve more for their pets than human loved ones.

*I have some sympathy for politicians. Quite a few will be sociopaths who can’t help their behaviour because they were born with that mental disorder.

*People who think this book/website is anti American leftwing drivel are dullards. Pigeonholers. They resort to simplistic labels because they are intellectually barren. This book/website is anti greedies, warmongers, eco vandals etc. These manifestations of evil are anti millions of ordinary, decent, thinking people who are revolted by infantile he says/she says leftwing/rightwing gibberish. This book/website is anti the money addicted plutocrats who have hijacked the U.S. and other governments. Whenever we happen to see these parasites they always look miserable, which is nice.

*Tough times are awful but at least they give us a priceless comparison when the good times arrive, making us ohhh so grateful. And determined to continue the new era. I think of the Jimi Hendrix lyrics “First rays of the new rising sun”.

*Journalism teaches you persistence. Most people accept the first rejection when in dispute with companies or government agencies. That’s a mistake. They expect people to give up after one attempt. Make it clear you are not going away. Ask if there’s an appeal process, or tell them you are going to the small claims court. In my experience it’s only a small fee and lawyers are not allowed.

*As you get older the fog of deceit clears and it’s easier to spot bullshit. E.g. when listening to politicians keep an ear out for the phrase “We’ll do all we can”. Normal people understandably presume this is a promise. However it’s pollywaffle code for “We’ll make a token effort but don’t hold your breath”.

*If you think I’m talking out of my you-know-what when linking political and corporate leaders with sociopaths, Google the 2006 book “Snakes in suits: when psychopaths go to work”. Make sure you are sitting down.

*SOB. Save our bees. Mother Nature’s workaholic miracle makers give us beauty and colour, and all they ask for is safe board and lodging.

*Ignore negative nitpicking knockers. The legendary Beatles/Decca Records howler should give hope to all dreamers.

*When I was young I was accused by a loved one of being neurotic. Years later when reading about my favourite artists it was obvious they were, um, eccentric. They inspired me to brush aside sling and arrows, sometimes with thoughts like “Who are you, the behaviour police?”.

*You’d think that people who become Prime Ministers and Presidents are quite special, with all sorts of admirable qualities. Yet when their time is up they are mostly thought of as mediocre, self interested, forgettable underachievers.

*We are obsessed with handing out trophies. There must be millions of award ceremonies great and small each year around the world. One of the silliest was in Britain where a man was made a “Lord” after spending years running around in circles quite quickly. What happens to trophies when the recipients die?

*Dog Eat Dog. Or DED for short. Human survival depends on unconditional global unity.

*Parliament’s Question Time should be renamed Completely Ignore The Question Time. Or even better – Incredibly Infantile Pointscoring Time. Then taxpayers could recoup the cost of parliament by selling the show to TV’s Comedy Channel.

*All political parties attract super-confident alpha-personality types to be candidates, but parties with hardline capitalist ideologies are a perfect fit for ruthless, cynical sociopaths.

*The breathtaking vastness of the universe is incomprehensible, let alone its origin. I’m happy to simply treasure our fleeting gift of life.

*The theme song for Global Warming: “Here comes the sun”.

*Media loudmouth know-it-alls who clearly don’t know-it-all but simply parrot views that reinforce their bigotry are hardly a threat to democracy. Unless of course the number of dimwits who agree with their gibberish increases to the majority of voters!

*Apathy. Bob Dylan seemed optimistic in the 1960s: “How many times can a man turn his head and pretend that he just doesn’t see?”. Pink Floyd seemed pessimistic by the 1980s: “I have become comfortably numb”.

*The good news about cynics is: although they are clever, they are not overly intelligent. The bad news about cynics is: they lust after positions of power.

*Famous American philosopher George W. Bush is disappointed his eagerly awaited book “My wit and wiseness” has been postponed for the 28th time. Again, the publisher won’t say why.

*There’s good selfish. It’s vital for our sanity.

*Being gullible isn’t a crime, but exploiting the gullible is.

*Bullying. Why be bothered when people who are basically strangers don’t like us? You couldn’t possible like them anyway.

*Anti-marijuana laws have been so mindnumbingly dumb for so long there has to be something else going on. Something fishy. Mind you, marijuana isn’t nicknamed “dope” for nothing.

*Melodramatic media. I’ve conducted many experiments and for the life of me I’ve never been able to hear a pin drop.

*The world’s major awards can be laughable. Some Nobel Peace Prize decisions have been shameful. Archaic pompous knighthoods are obviously silly. The Grammy awards are a shocker when you see the long list of great musicians who’ve missed out and the plonkers who’ve won (sometimes frequently). And TV’s Emmy awards. “Frasier” a multiple winner ahead of “Seinfeld”? That’s a Junior Mac versus a roast dinner.

*Real estate agents (bless them). As much as I adore Mother Nature’s gifts there is absolutely not one view in the whole wide world that I would be willing to die for.

*Ego trips down Memory Lane. It’s fun seeing children receive medals and ribbons for their achievements, but shouldn’t we have outgrown trophies by adulthood?

*Hypocrisy: politicians (who start wars) sparing a few minutes to attend war glorification ceremonies cynically designed to keep alive the myth that people will be treasured if they die for their country. Again, exploiting gullibility.

*You wonder how some families got their names! Australian sport has had some gold medal surnames including Longbottom, Sidebottom, Winterbottom, Wincup (a champion racing driver), Roughead, Woodhead, Goldsack, Lillywhite, Caterer, Badman, Crooks, Goodfellow, Goodchild, Fairchild, and Crapp.

*There’s an old joke that if your surname is Pipe don’t name your son Dwayne.

*We are assured there is a God. If so, I wonder how God feels about the British government turning people into “Lords”.

*Actually, it’s easy being green. A paler shade of green is even easier, and still invaluable. Tree-hating troglodytes won’t be sneering much longer.

*Sustainability. Sceptics might say it’s just another devious corporate marketing scam concerned only with profit sustainability.

*Left-wing or right-wing, extremists are scarily irrational, whether or not they are worked up.

*You wish ex politicians like Bill Clinton, George Bush junior and Tony Blair would just go away. They had their chance and blew it. But no, they keep popping up, boring us with how they really do have integrity, are not serial liars, blah blah blah. Like all egomaniacs they have a mental disorder called SDS – Spotlight Deprivation Syndrome.

*Smart Phone packaging should display this warning: “If you are dumb you will still be dumb even if you use this phone”.

*I was having my weekly Big Day Out $10 lunch at a restaurant when a young woman with a baby answered her “smart” phone at the table next to me. Here’s part of the conversation.

“Are you pregnant?”

(inaudible)

“Then why is my baby sucking his toe?”

(inaudible)

“But why is my baby sucking his toe?”

(inaudible)

“But why is my baby sucking his toe?”

At this point in this Seinfeld-like moment I wanted to yell out “Because he’s fucking hungry! He thinks it’s your nipple!”

Instead I took a deep breath, imagined a tranquil rainforest, and with all the dignity I could muster I whispered “These people are allowed to vote”.

*Alcoholics are supposed to make amends. So should smartarses. I would like to apologise to all my former work colleagues who kindly wished me a good weekend or a happy holiday and I oh-so-wittily replied “Okay, thanks, I will now”.

*We try our best but life is complicated and mistakes are a given. We shouldn’t be too tough on ourselves. And pursed lips/ furrowed brow/ tut tutting criticism by others is just hot air passing by.

*The government only wants to talk about the good bits. The opposition only wants to talk about the bad bits. The infantile shock/horror news media only want to press our buttons. Yet they have the gall to criticise us for not engaging in the immature Real Housewives-like inanity called politics.

*Dogs are inspirational, in all sorts of ways. Have you ever seen a labrador not thoroughly enjoying life? I’m not aware of any evidence but I’m certain labradors never wake up in a bad mood.

*Dignity and ego trips. Many famous people have politely turned down a knighthood. Many others who enjoy being called called “Sir” and “Dame” obviously don’t think they come across as pretentious dickheads.

*A healthy, under-control ego is great for self-confidence. But when you see an unhealthy, out-of-control ego (insert your own examples here)………… goodness gracious me! The word “cringe” springs to mind.

*A delightful dilemma. Listening to Vivaldi does something magical to my brain, and ideas flourish. As I’m furiously writing down this creative gift before I forget one morsel, half an hour can go by and I realise this majestic music has gone in one ear and out the other. So I replay the CD, hoping the ideas stop for a while!

*Masterpieces like Electric Ladyland and Houses of the Holy (insert your own examples here) also can’t be background music, obviously. It’s be a waste of electricity.

*Vincent’s Theory on Creativity. Try standing under a shower for inspiration. The droplets are not simply hitting the scalp but massaging it, stimulating the brain cells. If my theory is proved by scientists the Nobel Prize should go to them, not me. And anyway, I’m anti trophies.

*Whenever I catch a glimpse of TV news and newspapers I…… (sigh) …… well, it shouldn’t be called The News. It’s be more accurate to call it The Blah Blah Blah. “It’s 6 o’clock, here is The Blah Blah Blah”.

*Life is pluses and minuses, and obviously we want the list of minuses to be as short as possible. But minuses can be helpful. For some bizarre reason my parents sent me to a military college to finish high school. And so at the age of 16 at least I knew the career I didn’t want!

*Ultimate hypocrisy (and betrayal): old politicians bringing in conscription to force young men  to go off to fight yet another cretinous and criminal war and boost corporate profits.

*Some people think my comments about politicians are too harsh, even cruel. The sun will never rise in the west and a politician’s feelings will never be hurt. Especially if they are a sociopath, and there’s every chance of that because politics is perfect for these power lusters. The only time politicians are bothered by criticism is if it damages their public approval rating.

*Hearts of gold. We’ll never know who these people are because they don’t tell the media about their wonderful deeds.

*The bad news about war: lots of men, women and children get killed.

The good news about war: lots of men get rich.

*Don’t be ridiculous, Hitlergate could never happen again! Really? For thousands of years good but not very courageous people have turned a blind eye to evil. When unforeseen circumstances lead to a tipping point an unstoppable moronic mob mentality can quickly gain momentum.

*One of life’s special experiences is meeting people who don’t have a mean bone in their body. They have a radiance.

*Many greyhaired greedies have made a fortune from artificially inflated house prices. And – bless them – they’ve further added to the “booming economy” charade by littering the roads with brand new “look how well we’ve done just be sitting on our arse” luxury cars.

*Oh well, it’s not the end of the world. Yet.

*Kind words are lovely but kind acts are heart and soul gifts.

*The glut of extreme right-wing media-windbags is inspiring. If dickheads like that can make big money, anyone can.

*I don’t wish to be rude to me but I have a big enough challenge living with myself let alone with another person.

*The human spirit is incredible. When you read about courageous people – going back thousands of years – no matter how tough life gets and how blue we feel, we really are capable of somehow digging just a tiny bit deeper for the strength to struggle on.

*Back to dickheads. There should be some sort of written test – like a driver’s licence – to stop dickheads getting into parliament.

*Undoubtedly U M I T R O A E. And I try to avoid cliches like the plague.

*Speaking of money, there’s an old joke that you can get favourable media publicity simply by offering journalists a free lunch. Actually, it’s true.

*Memo to politicians: not everyone aspires to own a luxury car. No, seriously. Many of us think it’s ostentatious and a dopey waste of money. I know this sounds really silly but parents mostly want top-quality education, like the wealthy expect and get at private schools.

*The upside of a top-quality education system: fewer dimwits.

The downside of a top-quality education system: fewer jobs for liars to exploit dimwits.

*The constant election of mediocre men as U.S. president isn’t the fault of millions of American voters. Mind you, the defeated candidates could’ve turned out to be just as bad.

*Listening to Bach’s amazing organ covers of Vivaldi’s concertos at 5am while gazing at the stars and the occasional international flight heading for Auckland – and imagining how tired but excited the passengers are – is hardly conducive to a relationship, but goodness gracious me it’s enjoyable.

*Seriously, what hope is there for humans. I’m fascinated by a Christian television channel that relentlessly attacks the Catholic Church as the anti-Christ. I’ll have to look elsewhere for love and peace!

*Where are the passionate politicians? The only world leader I recall having anything like fire in the belly in recent decades was Bill Clinton when he angrily denied having sex with a young female employee. Unfortunately he was acting. And lying.

*The advertising industry is just doing its job, tempting us to buy more stuff. Sure, they’ve devious and it’s not work I’d like to do to make a buck, but no-one forces us to be materialistic.

*Witnessing inter-religion trash talk is astonishing, shocking. It’s there for all to see every day on religious TV channels. The enmity has nothing to do with God (whether or not there is one). Without getting big heads we should be grateful that perhaps our own personal values are not too bad, in comparison.

*Luxury car sales everywhere are booming. Gun sales in America are booming. Goody goody gumdrops.

*Sorry, but there’s only a certain amount of money available for government spending on health, education, and the environment – especially as the rich keeping getting, er, richly deserved tax cuts. And of course we must have record spending on the military to protect corporations. Sorry, I meant all of us.

*Chips on the shoulder weigh us down literally, stunting our well-being. It’s sad that many people choose to live in a joyless twilight world of grudges and resentment.

*The problem with statues of famous people is pigeons have no respect and churlishly crap on them willy-nilly. I assume it’s random.

*When I end my Wednesday night radio show and say I’ll be back next week, I include the qualification “fingers crossed”. Eventually – and I hope it’s later rather than sooner – I won’t be back because I died and I’d rather not be remembered as a liar. When famous people die it’s reported that they “passed away”, which is peculiarly coy for the shock/horror media.

*My apologies, I obviously wasn’t paying attention and didn’t hear the explanation, but why do millionaires need regular tax cuts?

*The good news about Global Warming: you’ll get hot water from your cold water taps, slashing your power bills.

The bad news about Global Warming: you’ll have to repaint the house every few weeks. But at least you’ll have more money from your power bills.

*It’s tempting for many people to think life might be easier if they weren’t so sensitive. Certainly the lows are accentuated, but so are the highs. Sensitive people have an incredible gift, able to see lots of life’s wonders that are invisible to many others.

*Negative nitpicking knockers. Some people make snide remarks about artists who are one-hit wonders. At least those artists have had one more hit song than the pooh-poohers! I’d be proud to be a one-hit wonder. It’s a nice income earner too, from royalties. Apparently Gerry Rafferty made 80,000 pounds a year for “Baker Street”. It’s the pooh-poohers who should be pooh-poohed.

*Judging book covers. My 6-year old granddaughter asked me why my hair is like it is, and I said because I look like the great scientist Albert Einstein and maybe people will think I’m brainy. She’s a good practical joker and she smiled, but I think I got away with it. Some retailers who possibly thought I was a vagrant are less wary now that I wear my Vivaldi tee shirts.

*Global warming. Gosh, who should I listen to? On one side we have deep thinkers like Donald Trump and a handful of scientists who are paid millions of dollars by oil companies but are totally professional and impartial, and shame on you for even hinting a conflict of interest. And on the other side are all the world’s top scientists (bar a handful), but let’s face it they are quite lowly paid so can’t be very good at their job.

*Forgiveness. We’ve all been deeply hurt. And we shrug our shoulders and move on. I see it as a stab wound to the heart and the scar will always be there, whether or not we seemingly forgive. Is forgiveness irrelevant, a non issue, something we actually don’t need to even consider let alone agonise over?

*When we are on our death-bed will we believe we’ve done something meaningful with our lives? (Making lots of money and being famous isn’t meaningful).

*From wars to awards ceremonies, it doesn’t take much to bring out the worst in some people.

*Global Warming. It seems the official policy is “Don’t just do something, stand there”. If there are space aliens they’ll be shaking their heads (or whatever) in disbelief at out stupidity.

*The good news about Global Warming: there won’t be any insurance premiums.

The bad news about Global Warming: there won’t be any insurance companies.

*Scientists must be frustrated and angry that their repeated Global Warming warnings have for decades gone in so many ears and straight out the other side. They – like many of us – cannot believe that politicians have put company profits ahead of the human civilisation’s survival.

*The good news about Global Warming: there won’t be any tabloid newspapers.

The bad news about Global Warming: there won’t be any trees for newsprint.

*Melodramatic media. They never quote a plain old “expert”. That doesn’t meet their stellar standards. It’s always a “leading expert”. If I’m ever quoted by the media it’ll be exciting to be referred to as a leading journalist. Or leading philosopher!

*The Axis of Evil (updated): Greedies, Warmongers, and Eco vandals.

*Right-wing extremists have pulled off the greatest (and dumbest) PR con of all time with their red herring slogan Climate Change, but it won’t stop Global Warming from getting worse. Tragically, billions of people have been let down by the media who are complicit in this looming crime against humanity. It’s like the passengers on the Titanic being calmly told over the PA system “Everybody relax, we have a minor engine problem, please carry on as normal, have fun, enjoy yourself, there’s nothing to worry about”.

*Lurking behind the giant Climate Change neon sign is the Global Warming monster, getting bigger and bigger as it feeds off human apathy.

*Negative nitpicking knockers, and how to respond to them. Ask them two questions.

1) Just supposing you are a dickhead, do I care what you think?

2) If you are not a dickhead, do I care what you think?

WARNING: do not use this strategy on family members, employers, or police if you are in America.

*Qualified empathy is sensible because we never know the full story, and being gullible doesn’t help anyone.

*Negative nitpicking knockers. When Bob Dylan won the 2016 Nobel Literature Prize “experts” were deeply divided. Some were thrilled (yay!), others were outraged (boo!). Battlers can take heart from controversies like this, and keep dreaming. Life-changing luck could be just around the corner. Bob was a battler once.

*When you think you’ve found Shangri-la you kinda feel bullet-proof.

*I’m a list person. I like a list to assist my laid-back memory, and I love the existentialist philosophy and minimalist lifestyle.

*Jimi Hendrix and his two bandmates had three extensive U.S. tours in 1968. Jimi kept notes and sometimes wrote “SOS” in his diary – same old shit. As wonderful as democracy is in theory, after each election – even if a new mob is voted in – I feel like writing SOS in my diary.

*The creators of democracy made a rather large mistake. They assumed that everyone standing for public office would be selfless and ethical.

*Delusional. “Maybe if we don’t think or talk about Global Warming it’ll go away”.

*Evil. “I will be dead by the time Global Warming gets really bad and it’ll be someone else’s problem”. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa.

*All art is beautiful and must be treasured no matter where it may be on our 0-10 scale, if we have one. The world desperately needs as many artists as we can encourage, to hold back the Philistinian Army.

*A devilish delight. Hearing/watching/reading right-wing media windbags getting more and more hysterical and unhinged just before an election when they fear their mob is about to be booted out of office.

*Maturity is seeing the big picture and stepping around issues that when calmly and logically examined are relatively trivial. There’s an old joke about winning the argument but losing the marriage.

*Bob Dylan said songs aren’t going to save the world. Good, strong hearts can save the world, and those kinds of hearts are nourished by music.

*If you love dogs you love them all. But labradors always crack me up. I’d pay $10 just to watch a labrador for half an hour. I always imagine a thought bubble above a labrador’s head with the words (no matter what time of the day): “It must be lunchtime, my tummy is rumbling”.

*I have a horrible feeling our epitaph will read “Too little too late”.

Or perhaps “They were nice people but not very bright”.

*Creativity. How the hell does it happen? What a wonderful mystery. Some will say it’s a gift from God. It’s as if there are billions of ideas floating around the cosmos and some randomly pop into our brain. I’m always grateful.

*It’s amusing to watch male world leaders carry on like airhead peacocks. To quote one of my granddaughters: “(yawn) Whatever”.

*A handful of Commonwealth countries still have Sirs and Dames. Let’s bring back another centuries-old title. Several European rulers (going as far back as 871 AD) modestly added “the Great” to their first name. We could have Vladimir the Great, and Donald the Great. Mind you, some olden rulers were also called the Mad, the Fat, the Bald, and the Simple.

*Cry me a river. Politicians who grew up in low income families and then when they get to the top do all they can to make life hell for low income families are simply being cruel to be kind, they protest, without a hint of shame.

*Being close to an alcoholic teaches you – eventually – the value of being dispassionate. Whether it’s an individual or a nation or a civilisation, you can’t help people if they won’t help themselves.

*I’m writing an international anthem. The title hasn’t been settled yet but the frontrunners are:

Bugger you Jack, I’m alright

Dog eat dog

The quick and the dead

Looking after no.1

Every man for himself

Money is God

Treat others how you don’t wish to be treated

Kindness is for losers

Tell someone who cares

Stop whining

There are winners and there are losers

I can’t spare a dime because all my money is in a Swiss bank account

*Writers, painters, musicians – all struggling artists – will keep dreaming but will also be mindful that dear Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting, just before he died in 1890. For 400 francs.

*We sometimes hear the term “punching above our weight” in small countries. It’s an unfortunate, offensive expression. Domestic violence is a shocking, widespread problem.

*How many others find it harder and harder to connect with mainstream anything? It’s getting so shallow and shrill out there. We could form a new movement called The Estrangers.

*The people who run governments presumably aren’t simpletons, yet they seem to think a strong economy and a strong society are mutually exclusive – that governments have to be Robin Hood in reverse, and take from the poor to give to the rich. One result is roads polluted with rapidly depreciating new luxury cars. That’s a stupid economy. If money wasn’t being childishly wasted we could have strong economies AND strong societies.

*Countries will become more and more right-wing because of the growing proportion of Greyhaired Greedies.

*Each of us has to figure out – on our own – how to maximise our enjoyment of life because no-one else will, or can. One idea is to rule out what we don’t enjoy.

*Voters around the world have had the chance to seriously tackle Global Warming for decades but have preferred politicians who’ve saved them a few pennies. These politicians have been deceitfully negligent (what’s new?) but voters have absolutely no-one to blame but themselves when things go catastrophically wrong.

*Chip on the shoulder. A peculiar mental disorder where individuals – even nations – feel the need to overcompensate an inferiority complex with an absurdly superficial superiority complex. Often incited by puerile media.

*Perverted irony. Preachers on a Christian television channel spewing hatred.

*Demonic irony. Millions of people persecuted by churches – even imprisoned, tortured, or murdered – despite believing in God.

*I like to guess which politicians (past and present) Machiavelli would’ve had in mind. It’s a long list.

*New technology is being announced all the time but I’m still waiting for the one gadget that I really want – self-cleaning crockery and cutlery.

*We’ve been told that one of God’s Ten Commandments is “not kill”. But a Christian TV channel has decided to rewrite God and changed it to “not murder”. Phew, that lets us off the hook!

*Just in case. I don’t have a publisher for my book yet, but at least I have some possible titles!
Seriously, there are too many dimwits
Seriously?
Chewing the fatuous
Morons rule, not OK
Goodness gracious me!
Negative nitpicking knockers
The war on dickheads

*Many people say politics doesn’t interest them. Perhaps it’s because they are too busy checking their calorie count on their “smart watch”, or taking selfies on their “smart phone” and seeing what their friends had for breakfast?
Whatever the reason it’s curious stupidity. Politics controls the world we live in, and I don’t want my children and grandchildren to suffer because warmongering and eco-abusive corporations were allowed to run governments.

*Looking back through history and seeing the many individuals and institutions toppled from their pedestals after being revealed as flawed, it’s probably wise not to put mere mortals on a pedestal in the first place.

*Evil: human life decided by cliches! Cliches such as “The end justifies the means” and “Survival of the fittest”. Only psychopaths think like that. They have manipulated good but weak people throughout history.

*Things sometimes don’t go right. I have two sentences on permanent stand-by for these occasions. I might instruct my brain “I am not disappointed”. Or if I’m feeling bolshie I might use the vulgar sentence, which has the acronym I D G A F.

*If authorities want to build statues using public money, give us statues that have some use. I want statues of idiots – so we can throw eggs (not free range) at them. Insert your own examples here, but top of my list are the buffoons who introduced Satan’s weed gorse and those shrieking peacocks into New Zealand.

*”What good am I?”. That is the title of the perfect song for the ages on my favourite Bob Dylan album, 1989’s “Oh mercy”. The song has the phrases “if I’m like all the rest”, and “if I shut myself off”, and “if I know and don’t do”, and “if I look right through you”, and “if I turn a deaf ear”, and “if I say foolish things”. Bob has much more famous songs but this one resonates with me like no other. The album also has “Most of the time” which is the greatest song I’ve ever heard about a broken-hearted man trying to put on a brave face.

*If I was president of the world I’d require everyone to have a kind heart. That might necessitate a lot of heart transplants.

*Vincent’s 2nd Law of Greedivity. The more money most people have, the more they move to the right on the political spectrum, in the hope of stopping their money going to others.

*Just what we need, another war movie, to keep us entertained until there’s more real military conflict.

*In 1722 – when 44 year old Vivaldi was a rock star in Europe – a dear little 15 year old, Anna Giro bravely travelled to Vivaldi’s hometown Venice, determined to sing in his operas. Her dream eventually came true, and she and Vivaldi did concerts all over Europe for years. Imagine how gleeful Rupert Murdoch’s drooling tabloid hyenas would’ve been!

*Vincent’s 3rd Law of Greedivity. Keep it simple. Stay focussed. Extreme greedies have been successful for centuries because they have a one-track mind. Nothing else matters, nothing can get in the way. The end totally justifies the means. When you look in the mirror give yourself a smile and a wink. The aim is to stockpile as much wealth as possible, any way you can, even if it means “tweaking” the political process. If you don’t do it someone else will. Get what you can before the whole system collapses, which history shows it always does, eventually. Of course, only sociopaths devoid of any silly moral barriers can behave like this.

*Why do we keep getting hot and bothered with people who have always behaved like dickheads? And always will. Don’t we have more important things to focus on?

*People moan about lying, dishonest, cynical politicians. But politicians have simply adapted to us. They’ve learnt how to maximise their electoral support by exploiting the ignorance and self-interest of most voters. Voters get what they deserve.

*How governments can pig-headedly stick with policies grossly inflating house prices that help the wealthy get wealthier while giving the two fingers to younger people is perversely unbelievabubble.

*Still no publisher but I’ve thought of another possible title for my book: Dickheads ‘r’ Us

*Dickheads ‘r’ Us. The West spends billions of dollars a year to protect itself from China, Russia, and terrorists. China and Russia spend billions of dollars a year to protect themselves from each other, the West, and terrorists. But who’s protecting us from an increasingly grumpy Mother Nature?

*I wonder if people like Bill Gates and Donald Trump ever give gifts that don’t have a hefty price tag, such as a handwritten letter full of love, or a poem, or a hand-made card.

*I’m eternally grateful to the Poms for their sense of humour. Their wit, satire, and self-mocking are gifts to the world. I was just a kid when I saw a life-changer on black and white TV in the 1960s – Peter Cook and Dudley Moore’s lampooning “Not Only… But Also”. My tears of laughter were proof that taking the piss out of dickheads is more effective – and enjoyable – than getting mad.

*Politicians in a handful of Commonwealth countries are still able to blow their own trumpet by shamelessly awarding themselves a knighthood, but narcissistic sugar-coating won’t prevent history from recording they were failures in office and let down most ordinary people.

*Media owners like Rupert Murdoch clearly have a low opinion of the average person. Perhaps they have a right to, mostly.

*We used to call tabloid newspapers “the gutter press”. We thought journalism standards couldn’t go any lower. We were wrong. The internet – and the explosion of online “news” sellers – has seen standards go lower than gutters! Subterranean Newssick Blues.

*I don’t speak Italian or French or German but I love listening to operas in those languages. They have a mysterious grandeur. Lyrics can spoil a song if they are, um, banal.

*Here’s a scary thought. Imagine if a mentally disturbed person was in charge of the world’s most powerful country.

*Journalists used to have a Code of Ethics. Isn’t that gorgeous! How quaint! Pay attention everyone. Let’s get real. Don’t be obsessed with facts, we can sort that out later. Just make sure you are the first to get the story out there. We gotta have scoops. Our advertisers – who pay your wages – are only worried about the number of clicks per story on the internet, not the number of errors.

*Chalk and cheese. We see so many mediocre people these days, when we come across beautiful souls the contrast is so dazzling we almost need sunglasses!

*It sounds melodramatic and many people will scoff but angry words can be like a knife wound, leaving a scar that stays with a person until the day they die.

*Sick irony. Only the Aussies could name a capital city after an Englishman who inspired ignorant, racist, and genocidal government policies against Australia’s many indigenous nations after the English invasion.

*Sweet irony. Darwin’s Theory that only people best suited to their environment survive, while those less suited will die could see aborigines – who’ve survived in Australia for 60,000 years – outlast whitefellas who seized Australia 200 years ago.

*Holier-than-thou hypocrisy. Those journalists who pick out negative or positive angles in stories that clearly reveal their own prejudices, but who are adamant they are impartial professionals. Many of the public can spot the deceit, and their trust in the news media is further eroded.

*Inflated self-importance. One of the greatest money making education scams was introducing university degrees in journalism. The basic job of a journalist is to ask questions, most commonly “What happened?”. You don’t need a 4 year degree for that! Journalism is a trade.

*The last laugh. Because I was in a “brainy” class at high school I got to do Latin. The kids in the “dumb” classes did typing and woodwork. Even at the age of 13 I knew who got the better deal. All my working life I was a lousy two fingers typist.

*Tick tock tick tock. The Aussies have been warned their average city summer temperature could be 50C by 2040. The story was in the news for a day – in one ear and straight out the other, hitting absolutely nothing on the way through. The word “lemmings” comes to mind. Despite the media’s continued SDBS (spin doctor bullshit) it’s not Climate Change, it’s Global Warming.

*The good news about Global Warming: we’ll save a fortune on clothes. It’ll be too hot for anything but shorts and tee shirts.

*I loved school, learning lots of interesting stuff, and having a quick Uncle Merv on girls, and at lunchtime kicking torpedo punts and taking speccy marks, but damn that teacher who claimed “It’s i before e except after c”. I used to scratch my head so much I thought I’d get splinters.

*Vincent’s You Scratch My Back And I’ll Scratch Your Back Theory on Politics. I’ve observed and worked in politics for decades and democracy is a myth, a cruel joke, a figment of our well-meaning but gullible imagination (bless us). Left-wing or right-wing, governments do favours for the rich and powerful. Spin doctors gave Global Warming the anaemic term Climate Change, and they’ve renamed Plutocracy the feel-good but phoney Democracy. A smoke and mirrors voting circus is staged every 3 or 4 years to entertain and fool and placate we plebs, and then the elite class resume the real work of government – ka ching.

*It’s easy, relaxing, and quite enjoyable to stagnate. Zzzzzzz. But, if we choose to keep evolving, trying new things, (whistle) we can open door after door to undreamed of wonder after wonder.

*Skyrocketing property prices in a gold rush by overseas billionaires, and manic rich people gorging themselves on luxury properties, cars, boats and jewellery. A booming economy or booming cronyism?

*Hilarious acting. TV presenters on million-dollar salaries feigning concern (or even outrage if we are lucky) at cost-of-living issues on behalf of ordinary battlers.

*Vincent’s Theory on Unhappiness. Toxins are released into our soul by unkind acts.

*Social workers express concern for old people living on their own, but lots of oldies are loners who treasure the gifts that only solitude can offer.

*Statistics show married men live longer than single men, although there’s an old joke that husbands die before their wives because they want to! But seriously, even if you are married there’s a 1 in 2 chance you’ll die alone.

*Pride – like patriotism – sounds good but is also the cause of much stupidity and misery.

*It’s breathtaking – even amusing – when politicians insinuate we shouldn’t ask what the government can do for us, but what we can do for our country. Let’s compromise, give and take. If politicians stop giving rich people tax cuts, ignore warmongers, and show Mother Nature genuine respect, then I’ll stop calling politicians shallow-as-a-birdbath sociopaths.

*Can people think with their head AND their heart? Some of us think so. Some of us think these are the only people who can save the human race. Goodness gracious me, let’s hope there are lots of them!

*Brainspotting. Observing which political and business leaders think with their head AND their heart.

*How the hell do they do it? I’m in awe of the advertising industry. People are up to their pursed lips in debt but can still be persuaded to keep buying stuff they don’t really need and obviously can’t afford. Imagine if ingenuity like this could be put to good use.

*Every minute of our lives – the decisions, big and small – is a roll of the dice.

*Chain reaction. My grandson asked if I’d done any new paintings. No, I haven’t seen a Mother Nature image lately that sparked another “abstract impressionist” idea. But his inquiry had planted a seed. Several days later an idea popped in my head from the cosmos, and now I’ve pasted dozens of my junk emails onto a large particle board and called it “Recycled junk”. I love it! The amazing mystery of creativity.

*Heart of gold. I don’t have one. If I think someone is a dickhead (even if it’s only 1 or 2 out of 10) I know I can’t connect with them and disengage as quickly and politely as possible. People with a heart of gold are too kind to do that. They make me sick (bless them).

*It’s an interesting dilemma for people with a good heart. When does kindness to someone become stupidity? It has nothing to do with being made a fool of, it’s about being sensible.

*Many people think political and business leaders couldn’t possible be petty and vindictive, that they are above that sort of thing. Er, they aren’t. Being ethical is useless when you have to scramble over others to get to the top.

*Emotional constipation. The inability of loved ones to connect and communicate (not lecture) is sad.

*The magic of television – TV ads that turn one syllable words like store, more, and tour into two syllables: store-a, more-a, and too-a. Human devolution right before our eyes (and ears).

*The great thing about most TV ads is they are unwatchable.

*The person who invented the TV remote control should have been awarded the Nobel Science Prize. Or perhaps the Medicine Prize, considering the number of people who have been saved from going insane.

*What is he going on about? A member of the British royal family whines about the media constantly hassling him, but is constantly in front of TV cameras showing what a “lovely” person he is. Meanwhile, children of all ages are being sold for sex at this very moment all around the world.

*People with a superiority complex get to call themselves Sir and Dame, but those with an inferiority complex get absolutely nothing from the British royal family. Seems like discrimination to me!

*I’ve decided to name my book THE WAR ON DICKHEADS. I may have to get the promotional TV ad voiced overseas, otherwise people outside of New Zealand may think it’s DUCK HEADS. And if I do the voiceover, Kiwis may think it’s DEEK HEADS.

*Goodness gracious me, I’ve become so disconnected from mainstream most things (especially the news media) I’m thinking of changing my name to Mike Vincent Unplugged.

*As you get older – and if you are observant and increasingly understand how “the system” works – it’s helpful if you are not easily disillusioned. In fact, we need many more people to have fire in the belly.

*24/7. That’s how often U.S. presidents are urged by psychopathic advisers to show the world who’s boss and drop bombs somewhere. Why do women and children always have to be victims of macho blood lust? If precision bombing is so clever it should be gender specific – targeting only men.

*Vincent’s Theory on Blood Lusters. Public servants like those advisers mentioned above get such a thrill-kill turn-on, some if not many if not most if not all have to pleasure themselves at work several times a day.

*Perverted oxymoron. “Smart” bombs.

*Honesty in government. Public servants should be renamed corporate servants.

*With more and more companies wanting customers to pay online, could they eventually not bother sending bills to the tiny number of us who don’t have the Internet? It’s a very sensible efficiency idea for them to consider.

*Enormously talented people are often accused of being aloof, even arrogant, but it’s only because we are so focussed on being creative. Seriously though, we mere mortals are quick to criticise geniuses because of envy. Anyway, gregarious people can be just as annoying as aloof people.

*Inspirational, humbling – and a reality check. When you read that the greatest TV comedy – the show about everything “Seinfeld” – was lucky to get on air and barely survived the first 4 of its 9 years, we should never give up on our own artistic passions – and also never give up our day job!

*Whether it’s America, China, Russia, Britain, Germany, Eritrea, Mongolia, Comoros, Palau, Nauru, Suriname, or Tuvalu…. parents everywhere want exactly the same things: decent food, housing, healthcare, and education.

*Something I’d love to see before I die. A losing sports team coach passionately praise the umpires/referees for doing a fantastic job.

*Something I’d love to see before I die. A study to find out if the lives of fanatical sports fans improve when their team wins.

*Something I’d love to see before I die. Retiring politicians who say they now want to spend more time with their families, actually spend more than a few days with their families before announcing their new prestigious job which has miraculously appeared from nowhere.

*Hmmm. Why do we keep hearing that cruel joke “How can you tell when a politician is lying?”.

*Something I’d love to see before I die. Major awards ceremonies like the Oscars allowing losing nominees up on stage to say what they really think.

*There’s no point having a moral compass if you read it incorrectly and go in the wrong direction.

*If the TV preachers I’ve watched have a moral compass they must be reading it incorrectly. Their modus operandi of threats, bullying, and blackmail seems incongruous. Then again, perhaps they think the end justifies the means.

*”Outraged of Alabama”. It’s easy dealing with critics. It goes along the lines of: Do you care what I (a complete stranger) think of you? I thought so. Then why would you (a complete stranger) think I care what you think of me?

*I love Vivaldi, but not Beethoven – except for his Emperor piano concerto 2nd movement. It’s inspired me to write a skeleton film script just to use this magnificent music as a broken-hearted little girl walks hundreds of kilometres across the countryside in her beloved pink ballet frock with her tiny suitcase and border collie to try to find her estranged dad. Mum and dad get back together during the desperate search but sadly it’s too little too late, a metaphor for we stupid humans and the treasures we are gifted.

*Hi Bill, we’ve just sold our place for $17 million, so we can now move into the new $24 million house.
That’s fabulous Steve, congratulations. Hey, have you heard that Australia’s city temperatures will be 50C by 2040, and that children of all ages are being sold for sex at this very moment all around the world?
Gosh, that’s awful. Anyway, they are both cash deals so we hope to move in by the end of the month.

*Can someone check again please? The human civilisation’s pulse seems to be getting weaker.

*I’ve said before how much I love the old saying “Never look back” (except to smile!) but my all-time favourite is “March to the beat of your own drum”. I first heard it from a primary school teacher who was obviously a dirty rotten pinko commie bastard!

*Perhaps the world is much nicer than what is indicated by the media. Kind modest people (such as volunteers) are happy to be unsung and publicly invisible, unlike the babbling ego-trippers we see all the time on television.

*Just wondering. When movies get a box office boost after winning trophies, does this suggest we only think something is good if someone else says so? And when such big money is at stake, wouldn’t it be tempting to offer bribes to judges?

*Everybody has their ups and downs. Everybody. Jesus had them. It’s great when things go well, but life seems to have a soundwave pattern.

*Corporate comedy. An oil company has spent a fortune on TV ads telling us it is eco-friendly because it sells coffee in cups that can be recycled. Pinch me, I’m having a bad dream! Seriously, we have to keep poking idiots with a stick.

*Theory versus reality. Right-wing governments = fanatical monetarism = cronyism = cataclysm.

*It was a fabulous idea on paper. Political and economic theories always fail to factor in human stupidity and greed and corruption.

*Vital campaigns against domestic violence must demand the condemnation of any type of abuse.

*Global Warming. Tourism to holiday (very) hotspots like Florida and the Caribbean will decline, and corporations will be allowed to build tourist attractions in the Arctic and Antarctic.

*The bad news about Global Warming: it’s going from worse to worser.

The good news about Global Warming: …………………….. er …………………

we won’t need clothes driers!

*Uncluttering worker bee minds liberates dormant creativity.

*Many of us hate hate. And abuse. Of any kind. But some insults are pretty funny. My favourite tee shirt joke is “Men are idiots and I married their king”.

*Treating the public as dimwits, as usual. Major polluters are spending a fortune on feel-good but fantasyland TV ads instead of fixing their eco-vandalism. It’s scary there are so many clever but unintelligent people in positions of power.

* Very scary. George Bush junior was effectively world president for 8 years and pointlessly destroyed the lives of millions of people, including many Americans. He’s obviously a dimwit, and when you read about his decades of misconduct and unprincipled behaviour and cover ups, he was clearly qualified to be president.

*When you look back through human history and see the interminable warfare, it’s hilarious that humans gave themselves the scientific name “homo sapiens” (wise man). It’s time to change it to the much more accurate “homo dumbo”.

*The great news about Global Warming: if we are going to keep digging massive holes in the ground for coal, at least we’ll have more space to dump those bothersome plastic shopping bags.

*Not that I have sympathy for pretentious dickheads but it can’t be easy for them, under constant pressure to show off and addictively spend money on stuff to keep up with other pretentious dickheads.

*As brilliant as selfies are in advancing mankind here’s a proposed gadget that could be of even more use – a love forecaster. I’ve named the app The Soothsayer. Half of marriages fail but by then there are children, so The Soothsayer could prevent much heartache by micro-analysing a couple’s personal data to help them decide “I do” or “I don’t”. I can see lots of tears either way! I can see a reality TV show! I’m pumped!

*Great movie/TV quotes ignored by the media:

I tought I taw a puddy tat. I did! I did taw a puddy tat!

Eh (carrot munching sound), what’s up doc?

You wascally wabbit.

Daddy, there’s a Brady in the yard!

Nyuk nyuk nyuk (clang).

George is getting upset.

(And some Basil gems) He’s from Barcelona/ Drive carefully dear/ Can I help you? (said with a mixture of sarcasm, disdain, insincerity, and irritation).

*Is democracy overrated? When you see paddocks with horses, sheep, cows, goats and pigs grazing together you wonder why humans can’t be like that and get along. Actually, ordinary decent people around the world do get along, warmly welcoming  strangers. But politics attracts toxic sociopaths who’ll do anything to get/keep power, such as dividing people by cynically exploiting them-versus-us prejudices.

*Part of my sociological research involves forcing myself to watch social gatherings on reality TV shows. Listening to the various conversations has led me to three conclusions. If this is typical of social events then: 1) What an utter waste of several hours of a person’s time. 2) I have increasing fears for the future of the human species. 3) I think I know why my reclusive tendencies have grown over the years.

*The great thing about getting old is no longer doing things you don’t like (by and large), although the looming finish line pisses me off.

*Swish it like Curry. When you’re in the final quarter of your life you hope like hell the coach doesn’t bench you or you get fouled out, and you can shoot some more 3-pointers before the final buzzer.

*We have lots of smart things – cars, phones, watches, TVs etc – but there’s no word yet on when we’ll have smart governments and corporations.

*Why are so many people calm and indifferent? Do they know something we worriers don’t know? Are those Hollywood superheroes actually real, and someone like Superman will appear just in time to save us from Global Warming by – I dunno – pushing the Sun further away?

*Memo: To all those calm and indifferent people. Governments and corporations are not as smart as you think they are. It’s actually scary how stunted and clueless they are.

*Memo: To all those calm and indifferent people. Who would you believe: a politician who only wants your vote, or a scientist who only wants the truth?

*Global Warming Pyrrhic victory. Scientists will be proved right, obviously. And all the ignorant loud-mouthed dickheads who’ve pooh-poohed scientists will be proved wrong, obviously.

*When you see the ethical and moral standards of corporations, do top business universities like Harvard and Yale have an unofficial motto “Nice people come last”?

*Many parents want their children to be “successful”. Should parents have expectations? Philosopher Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) said parents are guardians not owners of their children. It’s their life.

*Elite business universities like Harvard and Yale should make a Masters degree in Mother Nature compulsory. Current business leaders clearly have huge gaps in their knowledge and are unqualified to make critical decisions that have widespread repercussions.

*Mythbuster. Men can do two things at the same time. I’ve yet to see a billionaire who is also a decent human being.

*Mythbuster. Everyone gets a fair go in Australia. Only if you are Anglo-Saxon.

*I hope the old saying “A stitch in time saves nine” isn’t true because scientists have been warning us about Global Warming since 1975 and we’ve done bugger all about it.

*All those calm and indifferent people, are they religious? Are they not bothered by Global Warming because it signals the second coming of Jesus, and a new and better life for believers? But what if the Bible’s prophecy has been misinterpreted? Oops. Just to be on the safe side wouldn’t it be prudent to – I dunno – stop treating our atmosphere like a rubbish dump? Or is that too loony left?

*Some people are worried they’ll be ignorant if they don’t watch the TV news. You’ll be fine. You’ll just know less banal stuff.

*When Russia is banned from international sport we are told it’s because their athletes are drug cheats. What? Of all the countries in the world only Russian athletes are drug cheats? Nah. The real (and shabby) reason is the U.S. and its bootlickers are telling Russian voters that if you keep electing politicians we don’t like then you can’t play in our sandpit. Boo hoo. The U.S. has been doing this around the world for decades, using all sorts of “persuasive” methods. People with this astonishing level of intelligence run the world!

*When I was in my teens I heard (Anglo-Saxon) Australians mock Italians for their relaxed lifestyle, including siestas. I knew it was racist, and now I also know how sensible and civilised Italians are. Also, I won’t hear a bad word about a culture that’s given us Vivaldi and pizza!

*When I see cats and dogs catching up on their beauty sleep for much of the day I wish political and business leaders would do the same, and let normal decent people run things while there’s still time.

*Global Warming. I must get a patent for this idea – houses on a turntable. At the push of a button you can gradually rotate during the day so the sun is on the other side of the house.

*Global Warming. Buy shares in tunnel construction companies. Their business will boom as more tunnels are built so people can live underground to escape the heat.

*Global Warming. The New Zealand advertising industry will have to stop calling air conditioners “heat pumps”.

*How much can a Russian bear? You’d think America and its bootlickers had slightly more important things to do than run a constant propaganda war against Russia. Things like – oh I dunno – the looming eco catastrophe.

*Pot of gold jig$aw. Right-wing governments claim to be the best guardians of taxpayers’ money. It’s fiction. True, they always spend less in areas that benefit ordinary people. But this allows them to give public money to the rich and powerful. Usually it’s tax cuts and government contracts. American right-wing governments (Republicans or Democrats) are infamous for giving billions of dollars each year to mates. The biggest parasitic rorters in the “private” sector are the warmongers, such as weapons manufacturers. Some of them own mainstream media whose job is to keep scaring the public about terrorists, Muslims, Russia, North Korea, China etc. Any bogeyman works.

*I’m 99% certain that our glorious leaders – worldwide – are hopelessly out of their depth. Help!

*Shrugged shoulders? Americans are litigious and you’d think relatives of the thousands of mass shooting victims would launch a class action against the real culprits – the degenerate politicians who’ve pocketed blood money to ensure lax gun laws. Even a token legal showdown would shame them for allowing disgruntled males to wake up in a bad mood and let off steam. Failing that, pass the hat around and counter-bribe politicians.

*Shallow as a birdbath. Politicians everywhere have often a) found a conscience b) cynically seen a vote-winning opportunity (choose one) when a family member becomes a victim of a bad law.

*The most common sentence we’ll hear in coming years is “It’s going to be another scorcher today”.

*Global Warming wishful thinking. It’s like a freight train roaring towards us (it’s that obvious) and we just keep standing in the middle of the track thinking “I’m not budging, but I’m sure it’ll stop it in time”. Er, splat.

*If Britain is going to keep handing out childish knighthoods then it should honour the greatest female on the planet. Arise Dame Mother Nature.

*I only go out into the mainstream once a week these days and it seems awfully shallow out there. I sometimes get the feeling I’m listening to pre-recorded generic messages. Robotic head office job training?

*I’m having my longest writing purple patch ever thanks to my mind being liberated from clutter. I don’t know how it may turn out, although I do know I’ll never become a proser.

*There’s a good chance the news you are watching or reading is concocted propaganda aimed at helping a corporation’s profits. Some major media companies are owned by corporations such as military equipment manufacturers whose profits rely on government contracts and international tension. World peace is not good for their bottom line! Yeah but what about the UNCORRUPTED media? Ha! The media are like a school of fish – when one turns, they all turn. In comparison, Goebbels was a crude amateur.

* “Let me ask you a question”, to quote Larry David. Would you rather be a nobody who has integrity and kindness, or a rich somebody whose views and behaviour are despised by decent people but cheered by the dregs of society?

*Making billionaires even richer is not really a sane reason to start wars.

*Making billionaires even richer is not really a sane reason to cause Global Warming.

*Global Warming insanity. Short-term gain for billionaires, long-term pain for the human species.

*OMG. I hope space aliens don’t land on Earth any time soon and request “Take us to your leader”. If they ask me I’ll be saying “You’ve got to be kidding! If you find one let all of us know!”

* Should we get upset and sad if we don’t have it all (whatever the hell that means)? Or should we be grateful and happy that actually our grass is quite green? Many people who have luxury cars and boats and houses that look like a mini airport terminal seem awfully uptight.

*Are you having a laugh? Imagine if politicians took a break from abusing each other and used that time and effort to stop Global Warming.

*When Global Warming reality sets in, when there’s no more “debate”, it’ll be cold comfort but keep an eye out for the cowardly finger pointing and excuses by the pooh-poohing sceptics.

*I used to watch a lot of cricket on TV when it was free-to-air. But not any more, not since pay-TV got the rights. I refuse to pay to watch any sport on TV. Anyway, it’s double-dipping by the greedies because there are also ads. My ban intensified my love of music and joyously led to an in-depth rediscovery of Vivaldi. Micro market forces. Thanks greedies.

*If Hillary Clinton had been fair dinkum about the 2016 U.S. presidential election she would’ve got a divorce. Sometimes baggage is too heavy and we have to travel light.

*Is all the pelvis and bum thrusting in music videos mean to distract us from the song? Once upon a time, if the song was shithouse at least the video was good.

*TV preachers claim that when we have thoughts of doing wrong it’s the Devil tempting us. But it’s hardly temptation if it’s unethical or immoral and clearly not on. Nah, I think it’s our amazing brain just doing its job, running through all the options.

*I would feel arrogant if I said there is/isn’t a God, or there are/aren’t space aliens. How would I know? Anyway, I’m too busy having fun.

*We aren’t saints, we can’t have kindness in our hearts all the time, but it doesn’t take much to at least be civil.

*It’s ironical the rat race seems to continue – even intensify – at holiday time. I guess people are trying to squeeze in as much as they can in the brief time they’ve got.

*A happiness fundamental is financial independence, or getting as close to it as possible, even if it means living on the smell of an oily rag. This is to avoid/minimise contact with dickheads, especially in the workplace. Let’s be frank, when you have to deal with dickheads you rarely click your heels and sing “Happy days are here again”.

*Most politicians come and go without a trace, except for bloodstains.

*Beauty and the beast. Queen Victoria looked at a painting by England’s greatest artist J.M.W. Turner and sneered “Vile, a dirty yellow mess”. I apologise, I wasn’t paying attention, but why do we still have “royalty”?

*Being semi-reclusive isn’t for everyone, but one plus is not hearing much small talk. Or as I call it – a Big Mac conversation.

*Seers and seer suckers. Because so many people are gullible it’s easy to claim psychic powers etc by cleverly using a language that’s essentially gibberish/ nonsense/ riddles.

*You won’t find a better example than this of how the media are the Propaganda Departments of military corporations. In late 2017 American “current affairs” TV show 60 Minutes did a story on U.S. steps to protect itself from North Korea’s nuclear threat. Not mentioned was the no.1 step of taking even more taxpayers’ money from health and education and giving it to the military corporations. You can only pull off a breathtaking brazen scam like this if you keep the public in constant fear. That’s why bogeymen like North Korea, Iran, Russia, China, terrorists etc keep getting recycled by the media.

*Macho mania. American Sport Inc. is obsessed with honouring military, police and fire personnel, even giving them free NFL, NBA and PGA tickets. Why aren’t lifesavers like doctors and nurses also honoured? Or teachers, caregivers, charity workers, and native Americans?

*Unfortunately for the human species sociopathic political and corporate leaders have no idea they are not as smart as they think they are, and of course no-one dares to whisper this fact in their ear.

*Trumplogic. I watched a televangelist claim that paralysed British scientist Stephen Hawking is an atheist – not because his decades of calculations suggest the Universe wasn’t created by a God – but because he’s so bitter about his motor neurone disease he’s become anti God.

*It’s official – human devolution is underway, and America’s loony-right is certifiably insane. Instead of doing the obvious to stop mass shootings in schools – duh, gun control laws – the U.S. Army has developed a computerised war simulator to supposedly help schools handle an armed maniac! After all, teachers have so much spare time. The simulator includes screams of students being murdered (imagine a “cuckoo” sound effect here).

*Opinion polls are like the 6pm TV news – a waste of time. People say they want action to stop Global Warming, but keep voting for right-wing parties. They say they want better quality television, but keep watching junk. Honestly, I’ll still love you in the morning.

*We wuz robbed, whine the 46% of people who voted for the right-wing New Zealand party that got kicked out of office despite finishing way ahead of the next party. Yes, but 54% of people did not vote for your party. It’s called democracy, not our-right-to-rule.

*I have a wonderful collection of comedy DVDs (including Britain’s The Office, Extras, Lead Balloon, Catherine Tate, Little Britain, Monty Python films, America’s Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Mel Brooks films, Australia’s Frontline, Lano and Woodley, and Summer Heights High) and I’m currently watching Fawlty Towers yet again. If all you or I ever created was Basil Fawlty we’d be ecstatic, but John Cleese has done many other brilliant things in his career. He was offered a knighthood in 1996 and (like many other people) declined, bless him. He says knighthoods are silly.

*I’d love people like Donald Trump to listen to”What good am I?” and “Disease of conceit” on my favourite Bob Dylan album (1989’s “Oh mercy”) but even if they did, in my heart I know they wouldn’t hear them.

*Mass shootings in America are destined to continue for a long long time. Europeans eventually exhausted their bloodlust and stopped regularly slaughtering each other – but only after many centuries. The U.S. Civil War was just 150 years ago.

*Global Warming collateral damage. The greedies who’ve caused and worsened Global Warming will have democracy suspended so emergency laws can be used to stop civil unrest.

*As an old person you normally wish time would slow down. But with Donald Trump in the White House you wish time would speed up, before something truly awful happens. Oh hang on, something truly awful is happening – another 4 years of choosing billionaires over Mother Nature.

*Speaking of Trump and all the ghastly monuments to his ego, what is it with the super-rich and their compulsion for hideous edifices? It began 5,000 years ago when Egypt’s kings built their insane graves. Those pyramids would’ve had apartments, shops, and a casino if Trump had been around then. They still could.

*After only a few months in office Donald Trump was already being written off as the worst U.S. president ever. I disagree with that verdict. I’ve done some reasonable research on every U.S. president in my lifetime and goodness gracious me there’ve been some shockers, in one way or another. It’s be a toss of the coin to decide the biggest dud. This is what you get when you have user-pays democracy.

*Mean grandpa behaves badly. Cruelly plays the age card on angelic whippersnapper. I was having a good-natured verbal spar with my 10 year old grandson Isaac and realised he was getting on top when I kept repeating “Yes I can!”. In panic I resorted to that contemptible and illogical cliche “You should respect your elders”. I know, pathetic. But hey he stopped, with a beautiful smile. Although I’m pretty sure he was thinking “Ha ha I won”.

*Optimists believe there’s still time for a human species wake-up call to avoid self-destruction. I applaud optimism, but not delusion. The greed and materialism trend keeps growing (the Million Dollar Listing TV shows are excellent for observing nauseating dickheads). The infantile keeping-up-with-the-Jones mentality is so ingrained it’s hard to see the required dramatic change in human behaviour. I just can’t get the lemmings image out of my mind.

*Can warmongers and military corporations do even better this century? They had a spectacular record-breaking 20th century. An estimated 260 million people died in warfare. Yep, an average of 2.6 million every year. And great white sharks are called killing machines! It’s been a slow start to the 21st century but there’s still plenty of time.

*Can Mother Nature outdo the warmongers? If Global Warming keeps worsening, 7 billion people could be toast.

*You’d assume we are much more advanced than our Stone Age ancestors. But are we? Archaeologists and anthropologists believe prehistoric cultures were egalitarian, which sounds more advanced than our dog-eat-dog culture.

*U.S. president Grover Cleveland warned in 1888 that corporations were fast becoming the people’s masters. Many of us would say the conquest has been achieved. And not just of people, but of governments. Can the huge egos and tiny morals of corporate leaders be switched? Well, I have seen pigs fly. But it was in a cartoon.

*Mass Actuality Denial (MAD). Many people assume that political and corporate leaders are responsible citizens and will take care of major problems like Global Warming. (Sigh). It’s estimated the number of sociopaths in leadership positions is way above the general population average of 2-5%. And sociopaths couldn’t care less what happens in the future because they’ll be dead when the you-know-what hits the fan.

*The next time you can be bothered to carefully listen to a politician say something, I bet you’ll hear them effectively say nothing. The top priority for politicians is to ensure a trouble-free journey for the Good Ship Corporate Profits.

*Global Warming is bad enough without Donald Trump’s unstoppable jet-stream of hot air.

*The media make mountains out of molehills, and molehills out of mountains. Why not make mountains out of mountains, and molehills out of molehills?

*The only measure of success is making lots and lots of money, and there’s no point being successful if you don’t show everyone how rich you are. But seriously, this makes it easier to spot dickheads.

*Joining dots. Politicians boast about Globalisation (their joint project with corporations) but they don’t mention the 18,000 children who die EVERY DAY because of scandalous healthcare in Third World countries that are hopelessly in debt to the moneylenders (the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund) who – surprise surprise – are in bed with corporations. Those 18,000 children EVERY DAY will never get the chance to celebrate the joys of “free trade” by washing down some KFC with a Coke, unlike the lucky kids who are “lifting themselves out of poverty” by working for pennies in sweat shops.

*Don’t give up on Globalisation, kids. You too can benefit if you can think of a scam that guarantees fat profits for the billionaires so they can count and stack even more money with their scaly hands.

*What would the super-rich do if they couldn’t flaunt their wealth – if there were no luxury hotels, apartments, cars, yachts, and jewellery? We can only hope but perhaps they’d hop aboard spaceships and go somewhere else.

*If only the cunning minds in the advertising industry would work for worthy causes, like Global Warming and children being sold for sex. You may’ve seen the ad for a credit card corporation that tugs heartstrings with “priceless memories” in the hope of tugging money out of our pockets with not-so-priceless interest rates.

*It’s heartbreaking that Vincent Van Gogh died not knowing his art would eventually be adored around the world. Painters, writers, musicians (all struggling artists) are inspired by this amazing man and his legacies, especially self-belief: whether or not people like what we create.

*Hoping for affirmation isn’t wise because it might lead to discouragement and bruise the passion.

*Some people leave a ripple, most of us just leave a glassy pond, but it’s still beautiful.

*How do you spot sociopathic political and corporate leaders? Goodness gracious me, that’s easy. To many people they seem charismatic, but to reasonably aware people they are glaringly creepy and fake.

*The U.S. Presidency and Congress used to be the government but are now just a front. These days politicians work for a de facto government run by corporations and private banks (including America’s Federal Reserve and the Bank of England), assisted by the discredited ratings agencies. It’s no surprise. U.S. president Grover Cleveland warned that corporations were fast becoming the people’s masters – 130 years ago!

*The Far Right can’t stand “intellectuals”. Actually, they can’t stand intelligent people, because they shred the Far Right’s many idiotic and self-interested viewpoints.

*The blueprint for the survival of the human species is in our history books. History shows we’ve kept making/repeating stupid mistakes for thousands of years. It’s no surprise that many people stupidly think history is boring.

*Could Barack Obama be tempted to reveal what he learnt as president about the rigged U.S. economy? It’s staggering that billionaires are even happy to shaft their own grandchildren by worsening Global Warming just to accumulate more money. Then again, if you read “Snakes in suits: when psychopaths go to work” it’s not staggering at all.

*Youth suicide is a heartbreaking issue everywhere, especially in so-called advanced countries. Much of it is blamed on bullying. Vile trash who can kill precious vulnerable kids says a lot about our moral standards. Of course, some will say the kids were weak. Callous attitudes like that also say a lot about our moral standards. Maybe the percentage of sociopaths is increasing.

*Watching televangelists trying to discredit science is like watching a toddler trying to put a square peg in a round hole.

*People who accept knighthoods and other ego-massaging awards from the British royal family are just pawns in perpetuating the “blue bloods” myth. Albert Einstein said he’s not sure if the universe is infinite, but the stupidity of humans is most certainly infinite.

*The Emmy Awards need a new category, to keep up with the boom in reality TV shows and their many superstars. My suggestion is “Biggest wanker”.

*It’s not easy being optimistic. John Fogerty’s “Fortunate son” is my favourite song about the unscrupulous hustlers who run governments. He wrote it in 1969. I’m fairly sure things haven’t improved since then!

*I was watching an NBA game on TV and was intrigued by the many cops “on duty”. And they were all Chubby Checkers with cheeseburger bellies. Maybe this is why so many American cops shoot people, because they can’t run after suspects.

*Trojan Horse sequel. There are 196 countries and more than 150 have American military personnel to, you know, keep an eye on local freedom and democracy. I’d love to see Donald Trump’s reaction if they all decided  to kick out the Americans. Surely he wouldn’t threaten to nuke 150 countries!

*Having military personnel in more than 150 countries might seem insane but if America’s debt bubble bursts it’ll be beautifully positioned  to tell those countries “We’re just going to borrow some of your money”.

*Trumplogic in a nutshell (literally): I have more money than you, therefore I’m smarter.

*Watching the NBA (the only one nation world championship), how does a game of only four 12 minute quarters drag on for 2 and a half hours? I guess they need lots of long time-outs so each player and team official can constantly high/low/medium five each other to, you know, stay pumped.

*This is BBC World News, brought to you by MI5.

This is NBC/CBS/ABC/CNN/Fox News, brought to you by the CIA.

We used to expect better of the BBC, but as for the others – well, let’s face it, they’ve always been members of the AWCS (the American Warmongers Cheer Squad).

*Imagine. Millions of people around the world finally deciding that’s it, we’ve had a gutsful, it’s time to stand up to dickhead billionaires, and lying corrupt political and corporate leaders. These bloodsuckers have shown time and again they are anything but leaders.

*Teeny fish in a teeny pond. In this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York, LuAnn’s son objects to her busy social schedule. Meanwhile Global Warming worsens. I wonder if the heat will melt plastic surgery.

*Anti the Axis of Evil (greedies, warmongers, and eco vandals) isn’t left-wing, it’s just anti right-wing. Anti any extremists is anti any-wing.

*Televangelists say the Bible details God’s rules for humans. But if God created the universe and its billions of galaxies, could there be other life forms also subject to God’s rules? After all, churches knew little about the cosmos until scientists made their discoveries, and even then they persecuted the scientists for a long time.

*It’s still not known if the eagerly-awaited George W. Bush book “My wit and wiseness” will ever be published but I’ve received what seems to be a world exclusive excerpt. In summary, Bush had a serious dental issue during his presidency. The dental surgeon said a wisdom tooth had to be removed and Bush was worried this would make him dumb. The surgeon reassured him no-one would notice any difference.

*Life’s mysteries are fascinating and wonderful, although one of them is gobsmackingly dumb. Why does the news media give publicity to people who clearly talk out of their arse? Top of the list are Global Warming pooh-poohers. Their lies – given oxygen by the media – are a crime against the human species. It’s double-standards because other crackpots are banned by the media.

*Incurable disease. There are high hopes for an eventual cure for cancer. (Mind you, lots of people are making lots of money from cancer in the meantime!). However, I’m 99.9% certain there’s no cure for another major human disease – greed. Soon after the salary for the boss of Qantas doubled in one year to $24 million he called for more corporate tax cuts (rich people don’t need public health and education). It’s what corporate and political leaders smirkingly call The Give and Take Principle: you give, we take. It’s heartbreaking that so many idiots have so much power.

*Trumplogic on Global Warming: any action that hurts corporate profits is anti-American, and anyway I’m old and won’t be around much longer so tell someone who cares. Of course, some of us might suggest to President Foghorn Leghorn that any action that helps ordinary people is pro-American. At least his predecessor pretended to care about his grandchildren’s future.

*Former American president, Abraham Lincoln was quoted as saying in 1863 “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time”. He should have added “And you can’t fool some of the people any of the time”. Yes, thank goodness for sceptics! Of course, devious politicians have only themselves to blame for the suspicions. It’s hilarious that right-wing media windbags vilify sceptics as “haters”. But that’s to be expected. People with a modest intellect often resort to irrational abuse rather than rational argument.

*Snapshots of the dumbing-down of the United States of Guns, right before our very eyes: major sport awash in junk food ads, cause and affecting an already second-rate public health system….. and the addictive gifting of billions of taxpayer dollars to military corporations to “protect” citizens from fabricated threats. That’s like a gambling junkie feverishly feeding a poker machine. History records the rise and fall of many empires that lasted for centuries. This one is a quickie.

*My not-particularly-smart phone suits me fine, and cost/costs bugger all. True, I’m unable to check what my celebrity “friends” had for breakfast, so I suppose in that respect my life is quite empty.

*It’s nearly here. Let’s hope the world has vision in 2020.

*For me the greatest joy in old age is waking up. Even from an afternoon nap! One of my loved ones who lives on Guernsey wrote a story about a local 103-year old chap still full of beans, bless him. I want to squeeze every minute out of the most precious gift we’ll ever receive.

*Freedom and democracy? Puhlease, pull the other one. It’s just a slogan, created by an advertising agency to market corporate expansion. Ditto “Climate Change”, created to dilute the terrifying reality of Global Warming.

*(sigh) Here we go again. “North Korea is supplying chemical weapons to Syria”. Hmmm, kill two birds with one bomb, er stone. This “news” story couldn’t possibly have been given to the media by the CIA, could it? You can almost hear U.S. military corporations cackling gleefully while rubbing their scaly hands at the prospect of another taxpayer-funded windfall. The problem with a pathological liar like the CIA is – maybe one day they might be telling the truth.

*What a shame the CIA doesn’t devote itself to worthy causes. Such as Global Warming, children being sold for sex, and 18,000 kids dying every day from disease and starvation. Oh that’s right, the CIA would piss off corporations for not looking after their interests.

*The melodramatic news media would be buggered if they couldn’t use phrases like “there are fears”.

*What the world needs now is kindness (love would be fantastic but that might be asking for too much).

*It’s incredible how many people have a superiority complex. There are the usual suspects – politicians, corporate leaders, media windbags – but also among the worst (to my surprise) are televangelists. I groan when I hear references to “the good old days”, but were people so up themselves back then?

*If you love dogs you love them all, but surely labradors are the most affable, running up to strangers to make new friends and maybe scrounge a snack. I always imagine the thought bubble “My owners never feed me enough and I’m wasting away”.

*I could be wrong but political parties with “National” in their name seem to be very right-wing. There was one formed in Germany in 1921, and that didn’t turn out too well.

*Why do people say “to be honest”? What, do they normally lie?

*It’s a mystery to me. More and more countries are becoming right-wing because of ageing populations, even though right-wing governments only benefit a small, rich minority. Does the media – controlled by corporations – have that much influence? It’s scary but impressive. It reminds me of the old joke “50% of the wool pulled over our eyes is acrylic”.

*We’re all born with a heart but how the hell do some of them turn into stone? Perhaps excessive fumes from money causes a strange chemical reaction.

*Donald Trump’s Global Warming ignorance is completely understandable. He doesn’t watch TV news because it’s contrived, selective, and trivial…. and I believe he only reads golf magazines. And because he’s in a constant air conditioned luxury bubble 24/7 it’s unfair to expect him to know what’s happening in the real world.

*Global Warming. Daylight Saving will become increasingly unpopular.

*Global Warming TICK TOCK. The Poles are melting faster than expected. How many other calculations have been conservative so as not to piss off right-wing politicians and corporations? Oh well, just like the rest of us polar bears will have to adapt to change and become stronger swimmers and change their colour.

*Something I’d love to see before I die: honest eulogies. For example, whenever a prominent politician retires (usually after they’ve been defeated or demoted) people fall over themselves to gush praise that’s so superficial you wonder if they actually think he/she “was a self-serving prick, good riddance”.

*How to get rid of warmongers. All politicians who vote for military action should be sent to the front line, along with all their family members. I’m sure they’d be delighted and grateful to do their patriotic duty. And maybe then they’ll stop sending other people’s naive kids off to war.

*Newton’s Law of Physics says for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction.
Vincent’s Law of Kindness says for every action there’s an equal and similar reaction.

*Tsunami of stupidity. Seriously, when you look back through human history – starting from today – we really are a bunch of dickheads. Even optimists with their truckloads of half-full glasses wonder if we’ve passed the tipping point of self-destruction.

*The word “trump” comes from triumph. Sometimes a triumph turns out to be a Pyrrhic victory.

*As shameful and embarrassing as the news media is these days (and perhaps always was), the wonderful thing about being a journalist is nothing can throw you off your stride in life because absolutely nothing surprises.

*Quiet achievers, bless them. Excluding sycophants, the rich and/or famous don’t seem to have a lot of genuine touches-your-heart respect, in contrast to many “ordinary” kind souls who are neither rich nor famous.

*The bad news about ageing: you don’t need binoculars to see the finish line.
The good news about ageing: three of the greatest artists – Van Gogh, Turner, and Vivaldi – reached breathtaking creativity heights towards the end of their lives.

*Why is there no reference to Australia’s 60,000-year old aboriginal nations in the Bible? Surely God wouldn’t have snubbed these spiritual and eco-sophisticated people because they are black.

*He may have been a criminal and should’ve been jailed but disgraced (and pardoned!) U.S. president Richard Nixon is deservedly an inspiration to politicians. He went to the 1968 election promising to end the demented Vietnam War, and immediately escalated the bombing. He went to the 1972 election promising to end the same war, and voters (once bitten but not shy) re-elected him in a landslide. Pardon the oxymoron but that’s disgustingly impressive.

*The people of Vietnam should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. To get on with life the way they have less than 50-years after what was done to them is heartachingly inspirational.

*Hypocritically sounding like a negative nit-picking knocker. I treasure all artists 0-10 on your rating scale if you have one because the human species desperately needs every single artist to resist the Philistinian Army. However, I beg most of the artists on TV music channels to put their egos to one side for a moment and at least think about another career, bless them.

*Who would’ve thought. Especially if you heard the simple-minded catch-phrases of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher in the 1980s. Communism has adapted to change and seems to have a sustainable future, but you can’t say that about capitalism. It’s become laissez-unfaire because of a reactionary ruling class. Economic theory always fails to take into account obvious commonsense factors. Such as greed.

*Luddites have always been ridiculed for being anti-technology because of their riots in England 1811-1816. There was actually more to it than that. And of course their biggest critics – the newspaper owners – were determined to help their rich mates. Ha, what’s changed. Obviously there’s lots of brilliant technology, but also lots of crap. And as the human species slides down the slippery slope trashing Mother Nature, who knows, maybe Luddites may one day be praised for having foresight!

*Vladimir Putin is clearly not Mr Nice Guy but how often is there a positive news story on Russia? I reckon it’s been 99% negative for years. That’s not news, that’s propaganda. Warmongers must be ecstatic because it allows governments to take even more money from health and education to buy more bombs. There are millions of lovely decent people in Russia, just like in America. How much other “news” is fake?

*Loss loss. In politics, the problem with small minds is they think small. This is disastrous at a time the world is regarded as a global village and desperately needs co-operative big thinking.

*Endangered species. When I see a famous person who has humility I think what’s going on here, am I watching a Disney movie? But seriously, I want to hug them and thank them for not being extinct. There are so many big heads I worry we’re going to run out of room!

*Cart before the horse. Have you noticed the growing number of pill-popping ads on TV? And how ethical and responsible they are advising consumers to see a doctor if symptoms persist. Let’s tweak that slightly. I know this sounds radical but how about advising people to see a doctor BEFORE popping pills?

*When things go wrong with economies and ordinary people suffer, I think what did you honestly expect voting for politicians with Wall Street connections? Yes but they’re all the same. No they’re not. You just have to spend a few minutes doing some research. And if you keep doing what other people say – especially media “experts” – then 1) don’t whinge, and 2) you can’t blame politicians for thinking voters are all the same and are basically dickheads.

*We only use a fraction of our brain’s capability. If/when we can maximise the use of our incredible personal computer could it slow down the ageing process? Imagine if our growth-rate was 1/10th! Mind you, pluses and minuses. You’d have to change a baby’s nappy for 20 years!

*What the world needs now – not – is well-off people moaning about how their lives turned out. One of the worst celebrity whingers is Hillary “Couldabeen” Clinton. FFS I’m simply grateful my parents married otherwise I wouldn’t have been born! To quote the famous American philosopher George W. Bush: we have bigger fish to roast. Such as Global Warming and rich warmongers stealing taxpayers’ money from worthy causes.

*I have my faults but at least I’ll go to my grave with my conscience clear, knowing I never voted for a buffoon.

*Melodramatic media. Another of their vacuous cliches is “A growing number”, with the story often devoid of any facts and figures. This means 1) the story is fake, or 2) it’s lazy journalism. Either way it’s #(sigh).

*Melodramatic media. A favourite sport cliche is “do or die”. I don’t know about Ye Olden Tymes but I’m not aware of any sportsperson who died after losing. In Aussie Rules footy a player who exaggerates to try to get a free kick is accused of “adding some mayonnaise”. The media must have warehouses full of mayonnaise!

*When I’m enjoying the beauty of Vivaldi, Van Gogh and Turner I wonder why inspirational geniuses like this aren’t world leaders instead of small-minded dullards preoccupied with (yawn) stockpiling mountains of money.

*With the human species at the crossroads it really is “nice to be important but more important to be nice”. There’s a lot of kindness talk but less kindness walk. We need more world leaders to join the walk.

*Alcoholics have an addiction and are urged to do an AA program that includes apologising to victims of their behaviour. We need a Greedies Anonymous!

*It’s understandable the British royal family has PR stunts like awards lolly-scrambles in its fight for survival, but shame on those who give credibility to the “blue bloods” nonsense by accepting these immature “I’m special” awards.

*Jimi Hendrix is inspirational in so many ways. He was a workaholic perfectionist constantly exploring variations, and sometimes in the recording studio did dozens of takes. Music’s Vasco da Gama! Jimi gave me the idea of trying variations with my “The War on Dickheads” because of its fairly narrow focus.

*When you hear some of the brutally honest lyrics by Jimi and Bob Dylan the sugar-coated autobiographies by many famous people – especially politicians – is laughable. They have no shortcomings, apparently! You can’t connect with people like that. In one especially painful confession by Jimi – called “Shame shame shame” – he wrote about his cruelty to his brother when he got a big head from superstardom. At least he wasn’t cruel to millions of people, and at least he quickly made amends.

*Speaking of inspiration, to my amateur ears it sounds like part-10 of Vivaldi’s 300-year old masterpiece “The Four Seasons” inspired the menacing music in famous films such as “Psycho” and “Jaws”.

*Corporations are the new Mafia whose motto is “Whatever it takes”. And that includes a – um – sensible understanding with the CIA and FBI which are run by political appointees who have – um – pragmatic viewpoints. The bottom line is to keep America great. Whatever it takes.

*We’ve wasted too many crucial years for me to have any sympathy for Global Warming victims who happily re-elected governments that did FA about eco-destruction. Like Albert Einstein basically said – you shake your head in disbelief at the stupidity of Homo Dumbo.

*Global Warming sceptics are MLD (Major League Dickheads) but to be fair to them the Earth did seem flat once.

*Parents, bless them. Some of the best things we learn from them is what not to do. I say this as a child and a parent!

*At least China, Russia and North Korea have never dropped a nuclear bomb on a city, let alone two (as of March 2018, anyway).

*Daylight Saving has ended. Good riddance! Don’t come back! My curtains have faded! But seriously, at my age who needs daylight at 9pm when I’ve had a busy day of things like naps, and TV programs that are begging me to go to bed.

*Global Warming began after Daylight Saving was introduced. Maybe all that saved daylight has heated the planet.

*After the U.S. has completed its investigation into claims that Russia meddled in America’s politics I have high hopes it will continue this virtuous search for the truth and investigate if America has meddled in politics in Europe, Asia, and Central and South America since – I dunno – the 1950s.

*All empires have had a tiny minority who had the wealth and power and used jackboot tactics to control the have-nots, and they all eventually collapsed.

*When right-wing governments say tax cuts for the rich will help reduce poverty, I don’t understand how. Do you think they mean tax increases? Then again, it may be a complex theory and I’m just dumb.

*Warmongers heaven. The last time I looked 26% of the U.S. budget was spent on the military. Fair enough I suppose but with every Tom, Dick and Harry armed with nuclear weapons these days I’m not sure anyone is frothing at the mouth to start World War 3. Referring to the devolution of human intelligence, Albert Einstein said World War 4 would be fought with sticks and stones.

*Suspicious minds. We know the U.S. has for a long time seen Russia and China as threats, but with America having a constant wargasm for decades you can understand why Russia and China see the U.S. as a threat.

*Global Warming. I can’t see much of a future for inter-continental missile systems due to a much more pressing issue, but I can see a huge future for inter-continental air conditioning systems.

*Surely the human species can’t be as dumb as it appears to be. It’s as if aliens have infiltrated us and – knowing we are gullible – have got into positions of power to lead us down the path to self-destruction.

*People who go into politics think it’s all about winning, whatever it takes. That was kinda OK decades ago when enlightened world leadership wasn’t critical, but Global Warming now demands much more than short-term election-cycle mediocrity.

*Courteous driver. When I’m having my weekly Big Day Out and see another car with a “Baby on board” sign on the rear window I turn down the stereo.

*That was my 600th observation, so the amended front cover of my planned (e?) book is “The War on Dickheads. 600 shock horror observations”. That last bit is a thank you to the media for their inspiration.

*I’m excited about the next generation of “Smart” phones, TVs, etc. They’ll have to be called “Smarter”. And then after that “Even smarter”. Goodness gracious me, if we don’t keep up-to-date people will think we have a “Dumb” phone! Oh the shame.

*Do you think the advertising industry called them “Smart” because they reckon the average person is dumb and wouldn’t have noticed the difference?

*We never hear about many amazing, important people because they don’t hire publicists, unlike “celebrities” who are in the media ad nauseam. This means the media have many stories largely written for them, and this means a beautiful ka-ching sound for media owners because they need less staff. Kinda ironical.

*Capitalism is disappearing into its own Black Hole. It didn’t have to turn out this way but economic theorists kept omitting the G word from their equations. The Greedies have never had sufficient self-control to say enough is enough. Australia’s former richest man (he’s dead now) used to fly to Las Vegas on weekends in his private jet and gamble away millions of dollars. To some people he was a legend. Those people are further evidence of the stupidity of Homo Dumbo.

*Making mountains out of molehills. We should leave that to the experts – the media. I’m planning the world’s shortest self-help book, called “Molehills”. It’ll have only 1 page, with the advice “Try not to make mountains out of molehills”. Many divorces could’ve been avoided. Even wars! Many idiot politicians would not have been elected.

*When sports people win major events politicians often stage “heroes” parades (at taxpayers’ expense). No parades are ever held for heroes such as social services volunteers. A trophy/medal winning “hero” doesn’t improve the lives of ordinary people, but their life certainly improves.

*We’ve had 3 U.S. presidents in 24 years – could we see 4 in 32? They’re all similar in some ways (macho warmongers with massive egos), yet they are entertainingly different. One insisted oral sex isn’t much more than a hug. Another pioneered a hilarious variation of the English language. Then we had 8-years of world record verbosity. And then came a man who’s modelled himself on legendary cartoon rooster, Foghorn Leghorn.

*Many people have no interest in being rich and are actually grateful they need bugger all to thoroughly enjoy a rich life. But are there enough of them to prevent mankind’s suicide?

*It’s reassuring to know the Pentagon has a contingency plan for a zombie attack. I assume it also has plans to combat vampires, Darth Vader, the Riddler, the Joker, Lex Luthor etc.

*Patriotism may have meant something noble once upon a time, but now camouflages and gratifies a Stone Age bloodlust while helping military corporations make a financial killing.

*The oil industry has always claimed it really really cares about the environment, and I can give you a shining example of their sincerity. A TV ad for an oil company shows a couple of people planting some trees. True, TV ads are not documentaries and they could’ve been actors, but (to quote The Monkees) I’m a believer.

*The bad news about warmongers: billionaires (especially military corporations) love endless contrived armed conflicts around the world because they keep making a fortune from them.
The good news about warmongers: they don’t see much profit in World War 3’s Big Bang.
Gosh, aren’t we fortunate.

*Why do people say “shoot” when we all know butter melts in their mouth and these potty-mouthed bastards desperately wanted to scream a bloodcurdling “shit!”.

*Global Warming. What on Earth is that almighty sound, a volcanic eruption? No, it’s a gigantic penny that’s dropped.

*Global Warming. But right-wing governments kept telling us everything was okay. Look, are you sitting down, I’ll try to break this to you as gently as possible – they lied.

*Global Warming. But I had no idea it was this bad. Yes you did, scientists have warned us since 1975 but people like you kept voting in politicians who didn’t give a stuff because their primary job was to look after corporate mates.

*There are two types of kindness: unconditional and conditional. The latter’s attached strings can be so subtle it’s hard to spot the ulterior motive. Or they can be obvious, such as when TV cameras are present. On second thoughts, there’s only one type of kindness.

*Left-wing, right-wing, no-wing. Some people prefer being wingless so their feet stay on the ground.

*Someone has suggested Donald Trump be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. But seriously, why not? They gave one to Barack Obama. Although to be fair to Obama, compared with his immediate predecessor he seemed like a hippie with flowers in his hair.

*The world is full of clever people who know how to make lots of money (Rupert Murdoch, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, that Facebook tosser, ad nauseam) but wise people are obviously in short supply.

*Speaking of which, former American TV chat show host Jay Leno owns 169 expensive cars (at last count). Some say it’s a hobby, others say it’s a sickness.

*We have a lovable chocolate labrador in the family, but we’ve had too many labradors over the years for me to be fooled by their angelic faces. One used to have a paint tin lid attached to his collar with the sign “Please don’t feed me”. Our current treasure is named Harry but I call him Cheeky Chunky Chocko. Or used to. Now he’s called the Steak Stealer.

*I’m surprised the people who pooh-pooh the 99.9% of scientists (the ones not bribed by corporations) who say Global Warming has been observable since the 1970s don’t also scoff at all the other scientific discoveries since – I dunno – 3000 BC.

*Some people are outraged that I called Russian composer Stravinsky (1882-1971) an “envious buffoon”. Come on, be fair. His disparaging remarks about Vivaldi were stupid. Anyway, being a famous composer and buffoon are not mutually exclusive. Goodness gracious me, you could be the U.S. president and still be a buffoon.

*Some people prefer relaxing on a tropical beach as a way of life. Others prefer dropping bombs.

*Laugh until you die. He may be leading us to World War 3 or eco-catastrophe but Donald Trump is very entertaining. What a card. A Trump card!

*I get the feeling that many (all?) world leaders are holding their breath until the next U.S. presidential election.

*I don’t know if there is or isn’t a God but it’s interesting that I’m always sending my thanks out into the Cosmos. Maybe it’s just a recluse thing.

*It’s interesting that many people who are adamant there’s a God have no real respect let alone love for Mother Nature, God’s greatest creation, if there is a God.

*Labradors are the most alert, attentive dogs I’ve ever seen. I’m sure it’s because they think there could be a snack at any moment!

*The greatest con ever? Trickle Down Economic Theory. It was created by the wealthy to benefit the wealthy by taking from the masses and giving to the rich. Just one teeny flaw. The frenzied greed that’s been unleashed is dooming us. For example, as Global Warming worsens vital water will be…. down to a trickle.

*Mother Nature has had a successful formula for billions of years but after only 250 years of industrialisation we brilliant and humble humans apparently know
better.

*As clever as inventions such as the internet are they don’t quite compare with Mother Nature creating humans from single-cell organisms that lived in oceans 3.5 billion years ago.

*What’s the big deal? U.S. governments have always let corporations get hold of taxpayers’ money. Donald Trump is just getting a piece of the action. He deserves some compensation after spending a small nation’s GDP on his presidential election campaign.

*Phone calls from scammers are fun. I’ve had several informing me of a technical problem with my computer, and I inform them (truthfully) I don’t have a computer. Another favourite is being in the draw for free plane tickets, and me advising (truthfully) I hate air travel. I think I’ll tell the next scammer “I died yesterday and am speaking from Heaven and watching you”.

*”Royalty” belongs to Ye Olden Tymes when rich people seized power by killing lots of people, forcing peasants to do their dirty work. Anachronism springs to mind. It comes from a Greek word meaning “mistake in time”.

*I glimpsed this prime-time TV news headline while flicking through the channels: “Dogs love pats”. Damn! The important information that I miss out on by not watching TV news.

*Freedom and….. cronyism. Run-down public schools and hospitals, constipated roads because of laughable public transport, obviously no imaginative projects like bullet trains, regular tax breaks and cuts for the wealthy. The contrast between decent and truly awful governments is breathtaking. In fact, the mismanagement of some western economies is more than incompetence and warrants criminal prosecution.

*It’s claimed the moral measure of a society is the way it treats the elderly and disadvantaged. I think it’s also the way it treats the wealthy.

*A sport mystery. Why are so many unexceptional golfers millionaires? I assume it’s linked to golf being the activity of choice for corporate bosses, and the resultant massive corporate sponsorship of golf. It’s ironical because mediocrity is supposedly the enemy of capitalism!

*Shooting yourself in the foot. Successive warmongering British governments – egged on as usual by airhead tabloid newspapers – have caused massive death, destruction, misery and refugee crises for decades but have contributed bugger all to cleaning up their mess. In fact Britain threw such a tantrum at being pressured to do its moral duty it voted to exit Europe. Oops. Even a Prime Minister had to resign over this monumental clanger. Among other things, why should Britons be allowed continued easy access to Europe’s cherished tourist spots? And why should England and teams like Manchester United and Liverpool be allowed to play in European competitions? Divorce is painful in all sorts of unimagined ways.

*Negative nitpicking knockers who say some people have too much time on their hands are talking out of their you-know-what. Too much time is never enough. Seriously, who wants too little time! I’ve never seen this newspaper headline: “He/she died unnecessarily young but will be remembered for their dedication to their job”.

*Global Warming? Rubbish, look at all the snow and ice. Science shmience. Those photos from space showing Earth is round were clearly doctored. Um, democracy is great in theory.

*Hope for Homo Dumbo? It’s heartening to see so many young Americans on all those tiny house TV programs, shunning mindless status symbols that only impress idiots.

*Pardon? An awful lot – and a lot of awful – gibberish is written about art and I’d like to make a contribution. When I’m enjoying Mother Nature by Van Gogh and Turner I feel I’m getting a glimpse of her soul. I’m not sure that makes sense. Nor this by a professional art critic: “The title, pointing to a transcendental, hallucinating realm, suggests an association of the graphic structures with an inexorable, universal proliferation”.

*Jesus died a couple of thousand years ago and televangelists say he’ll be back, in a “Second Coming”. He must be getting impatient by now! Mind you, scientists say humans evolved over millions of years, so perhaps the son of God has made several earlier appearances.

*Oozing with sincerity: gambling ads. The tiny print at the bottom reads “Please gamble responsibly” but it’s really saying “If you want to gift us $100 instead of $200 that’s fine because we’re still making a fortune from suckers like you”.

*Back to the drawing board? All political systems have flaws but America’s favours-for-favours madness is creating Frankensteins and seems beyond repair. A good start to any reform would be compulsory voting. Otherwise don’t pretend to be a democracy.

*Mid-life crisis? I’m not sure about that because life is full of ups and downs, but I’m pretty sure there’s an end-of-life crisis.

*I wonder if senior U.S. government officials receive money from military corporations to lobby for conflict? It could explain the decades of endless lunacy.

*When I’m reading about the inspirational Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela I feel like weeping not only in joy but also in sorrow. And when I compare them with other world leaders over the past few decades I feel like weeping in despair.

*I’d give those world leaders (by and large) a D- with the comment “mediocre underachiever who had no vision”.

*And looking at the quality of corporate leadership by graduates from Harvard, Yale etc I fail to see how those business schools are considered “prestigious”.

*”Oh, it must be my birthday” thought our peckish family labrador Harry when he spotted a large rump steak while the kitchen was unwisely unguarded momentarily.

*Ex-great Britain’s empire began shrinking a couple of hundred years ago but colonialism is clearly alive and unwell, even if it’s de facto.

*Goodness gracious me, imagine if aggressive colonisation returned (perhaps to secure food and water supplies) and the same policies were carried out, such as exterminating the indigenous people.

*A promo for the TV show “Inside Windsor Castle” claimed the whole world loves the royal family. Something I’d love to see is the whole world not automatically believing whatever the melodramatic media claim.

*Something I’d love to see are universities offering a degree in scepticism – a BS.

*The war on drugs. The war on terror. The war on Mexican toddlers. Running out of ideas for war? Never! Not while we have shareholders to look after.

*I sent the above observation to a news magazine but they thought it was vague. I thought surely the readers are capable of joining their own dots. Do we need to be led by the nose? Bob Dylan’s enigmatic epic “Desolation Row” will always be a mystery to me (it may even be nonsense) but who cares, we still love it. Ditto Mona Lisa’s faint smile. Perhaps she’d just farted, although being a lady I’m sure it was a tiny one, although that’s a bit sexist, maybe it was an almighty thunderclap. Or perhaps Leo had just told her a dirty joke. Our guesses are as good as any.

*Oh the irony. Right-wingers hate income tax but love war, yet modern income tax was introduced a couple of hundred years ago to fund war. Right-wingers also love user-pays, so let’s make war user-pays.

*Growing up in Australia I heard the expression “I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire”. That’s harsh, I thought, smiling, obviously certain they were speaking figuratively! Mind you, if you want to find out how unbelievably obnoxious some people are talk to anyone in customer service. Sometimes you hope karma is real.

*Many people think soccer dives and basketball flops etc are pathetic and embarrassing, and disgrace professional sport. But they’re fantastic for a laugh and are essential in helping mediocre players compete with good players. As for players who throw hilarious tantrums, umpires should hand them a lollipop.

*Some people think Americans are up themselves for calling their domestic sport competitions “world” championships, but many of us think it’s a hoot. In fact the cheeky Aussies have been inspired, and tongue-in-cheek refer to various “world” records in their domestic Australian Rules national football league (the AFL).

*War exercises maintain the cash flow for military corporations when things are quiet and there’s no actual war going on.

*Tourists who go to the U.S. while it has racist travel bans should be ashamed of themselves. Throughout history decent but spineless people have turned a blind eye to evil. Money doesn’t talk, it screeches. If tourists boycotted America those bans would be revoked very quickly. In the meantime perhaps the Statue of Liberty should be dismantled.

*When England and Spain invaded Australia and North/South America several hundred years ago the indigenous people should’ve had travel bans in place.

*There’s a lot of hate in some politicians. Perhaps they were bullied at school, or were refused entry to an exclusive nightclub or golf club, or cruel people made fun of their hair. Excluding warmongers, humanity needs hatred like a hole in the ozone layer.

*I wonder if France regrets gifting the Statue of Liberty to the U.S. now that the noble original democratic ideals have been trashed by a plutocratic elite who’ve created a warmongering money-making monster.

*Pushing sand up a hill with a comb? Humanity obviously needs all hands on deck, needs many more people to lift their eyes from the small picture to the big picture, but is that a forlorn hope?

*When I broadcast the news in 1989 that serial killer Ted Bundy had been executed I added “good riddance to bad rubbish”. I still say that (to myself) when certain politicians retire or – even better – are defeated! You can tell if a politician has a good heart, or not.

*Speaking of cold-blooded reptiles, when certain politicians retire or – even better – are defeated, I can sense a dark cloud lift, replaced by rays of hope and wisdom.

*The good news on “The War on Terror”: although laws protecting our privacy have been shredded there are still loopholes. In New Zealand, for example, clothing stores can still advertise bomber jackets.
The good news on “The War on Terror” for the rich: there’s no money left for “The War on Tax Cheats”.

*The good news on getting old: there are more and more answers to life’s mysteries. My big fear though is that just as I realise the answer to the last remaining Big Question, just as a huge light goes on, I’ll be on my deathbed and with my final breath I’ll gasp “Ahhh, so that’s…….”. Damn.

*Fantasy bucket list. I’d love to be a centre court chair umpire at Wimbledon. “Come on people, settle down”, I’d bark.
And “The gentleman in the blue striped shirt, if you can’t stop coughing would you please leave the stadium”, I’d say in my best sarcastic Basil Fawlty impression.
I’d also love to be allowed a PA system on the top of my Getz so I could offer friendly advice to other drivers.

*Nup, my hopes for Homo Dumbo have dived again, my glass is half empty. When American guru Kylie Jenner revealed she’d had a “lip filler” it apparently sparked a 70% increase in this procedure. Fingers crossed we’ll soon have a cranium filler to, like, you know, inject some brain cells in there and this will reduce the echo.

*Watching Wimbledon on TV, some players do those annoying hand jerks every single time they win a point, so to turn a negative into a positive I imagine they are signalling to their opponent “You’re a wanker”. I won three South Australian junior tennis championships but in the end I also was too highly strung.

*Men2boyz. After catching glimpses of the 2018 soccer World Cup I was inspired to roll around on the ground groaning when I hit a thumb while hammering. My grandkids had a good laugh.

*War and/or Peace. It has nothing to do with hawks versus doves. That’s just simple-minded spin. It’s all about psychopaths versus commonsense.

*TV current affairs circa 2018. Getting to the bottom of the big issues, such as the most popular underpants colours. I remember when these programs were top-rating, when they actually covered interesting stories. Yes but advertisers want the younger viewers because they spend more money, money they don’t actually have, but we make sure the male actors have stubble/beards and wear glasses so they look intelligent, even though going deeper into debt isn’t really intelligent.

*The War on Reality Television. If I won the lottery I’d make one last desperate attempt to revive the human species by funding an international smelling salts campaign – to try to snap people out of their stupor.

*Pots and kettles. The western news media pooh-pooh the TV channel Russia Today as a propaganda unit of the government. At least RT is open about its bias, unlike western media bias. I think this makes RT more honest.

*Despite decades of public education campaigns domestic violence is heartbreakingly, depressingly as bad as ever. Mind you, having radio and television presenters who are idiots doesn’t help. In New Zealand a prime-time TV sports show was discussing a clash between an angry fan and the England soccer coach at the 2018 World Cup. One of the presenters said the coach should’ve headbutted the fan! (sigh) Goodness gracious me. The word neanderthal springs to mind.

*Speaking of England’s exit from the World Cup in the semifinals, it was funny how the BBC’s English Wimbledon commentators suddenly stopped mentioning the Cup. The world hubris springs to mind.

*One of society’s new golden rules, apparently: what’s in it for me? Oh, I dunno, the nice feeling you get from being kind or just doing the right thing. You know, the crap they don’t teach at business school.

*Speaking of which, it’s claimed talk is cheap, it costs nothing. That’s not true, it costs plenty. Integrity and dignity, for example.

*Snapshot of British society, live on television. Wimbledon is also entertaining OFF the court, watching all the special people in the best seats. Mind you, even in the royal box there’s a pecking order – the VIPs at the front and the basically least important people (the BLIPs) at the back. But at least even they are fenced off from the riffraff.

*Whingers are boring and annoying pains-in-the-arse (myself included) but they are vital in trying to stop people in authority becoming smug and complacent. WU – Whingers Unite. Let’s WU the word!

*America’s myopic mainstream media should stop obsessing about Czar Vladimir and focus on the much much much much bigger threat to U.S. security – Mother Nature. Oh, hang on, she’s been filed away in the Too Hard basket.

*Smacking my gob. The world’s greatest computer never ceases to amaze me. I reckon our brain’s best gift is storing precious memories – the birth of our children obviously, but another favourite is my late mother’s regular phone calls which always began “Hullo dear, it’s mum”, and me always smiling and thinking “Yes, mum, I recognise your voice!”. All the money and fame in the world can’t beat those sorts of treasures.

*When you compare all the great songs that’ve never won a Grammy Award with most of the ones that have, surely you have to agree that awards are bullshit.

*Put aside the spin, capitalism doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t add up, literally. A primary goal for right-wing governments is to weaken workers’ rights and see the back of those commie bastard unions. Yay! So far so good, bellows the business sector. Then make sure ordinary workers are paid peanuts and with manic zeal oppose pay rises. Yay! Most of them are bludgers anyway. The result is less purchasing power = less consumer spending = less sales for business = less support for stupid ideologies. Ingenious.

*America’s Founding Fathers (why weren’t there any Founding Mothers?) had most bases covered when they wrote the constitution but if they could see today’s Washington abomination I bet they would’ve added something like “Politicians cannot accept bribes nor offer favours for favours”. I also bet if there had been Founding Mothers this disastrous loophole would not have slipped through.

*A sincere suggestion to help losing coaches: fine-tune tactics on AND off the field. Instead of saying “I thought we were the better team, to be honest” try “I thought we were the worse team, to be dishonest”.

*It wasn’t always so but I’m pretty sure you have to be a member of the LOMBARD Club these days to be U.S. president.

*The video for Avicii’s song “Wake me up” is my favourite while we serve our 4 or 8-year Trump sentence. I’m sure kindness and wisdom will make a comeback.

*What will they call the expected Trump TV mini-series? Perhaps “How I saved the world, despite being surrounded by morons”. Many think it’ll be a horror story, but I’m certain it’ll be a love story.

*Mike and Goliath? Did the Catholic Church get my website banned? When launched in early 2017 it was way down Google’s search list for The Dead Philosophers Society, but as the number of my observations grew it eventually ousted the long-time Catholic website from top spot and remained no.1 for months. Google suddenly de-listed my website in July 2018 (although to Google’s credit I was re-listed a few days later). Perhaps I also upset someone by writing about the Catholic Church’s persecution of people with different viewpoints, including scientists like Galileo who debunked myths about the universe.

*Some politicians are superb at exposing and exploiting the toxic underbelly of many voters. Hitler proved that some people will jump at the chance to show their dark side.

*I wonder if America’s pathological hatred of Russia is linked to losing the so-called “Space Race” (coined by the airhead media half a century ago). If so, this bruised ego immaturity could drag on for generations because human behaviour is predictable. Ordinary people would be shocked if they knew how petty those in power can be.

*Bullies v Minorities. Hitler was one of the most infamous, and it continues. Glance at any newspaper and you’ll find some ignorant yobbo given unjustified oxygen to pick on a minority group. But of course, the cowardly media won’t allow criticism of majority groups, such as greyhaired greedies.

*So-called truth in advertising requires the qualification “Terms and Conditions apply”. Perhaps politicians should add “Ts and Cs apply” when making promises. Then perhaps voters won’t think their fibs are so blatant!

*Speaking of which, nearly everyone can turn their lives around because many mistakes are often due to ignorance and an open mind can fix that. Unfortunately, some people’s wiring bans words like remorse and apology, so redemption is impossible.

*Their poo doesn’t stink, apparently. Among GOAT hypocrites are governments that leave behind a stinking mess, and then have the gall to whinge about efforts by the new government to clean up that mess.

*Speaking of which, what sane person would want to be in politics in coming decades trying to deal with Global Warming devastation. I assume that’s when we’ll see police states to, er, maintain law and order (code for protecting the elites). The trouble is, even those extreme measures will be futile since there’ll be nowhere for anyone to run and hide. It’ll be the final chapter in the voluminous story of human stupidity.

*Speaking of which, Trump on Global Warming is like psychopathic Nero saying “What fire?”.

*There’s a line in a hit song “You don’t treat me no good no more”. At first I thought oh you poor bugger, that’s awful. But after spending more time trying to unravel this esoteric Tolstoy-like sentence I now actually think she’s treating him well, which is lovely.

*Speaking of which, rather than sing “I’m walking on sunshine, and don’t it feel good” why not “I’m walking on sunshine, and it feels good”? Songwriters everywhere, give me a call, my rates are very reasonable.

*Do greedies honestly think their fluky good times will continue forever? Aren’t they gorgeous. But seriously, how dumb.

*Not every picture tells the story. Jack has lots of gadgets, the latest tech devices. Jill has fewer gadgets. On the surface – to some people – Jack is cleverer. But Jack is up to his eyeballs in debt, and Jill isn’t. To some people Jill is cleverer.

*400 executives at one of Australia’s Big Four banks won’t get $100 million dollars in bonuses this year because of their bank’s dodgy behaviour. Boo hoo. Will banks learn from this and become decent citizens? Ha, what a silly question. All they’ll learn is to be even sneakier. We should try to recover the trillions of dollars ripped off consumers by banks all around the world. The War on Banks.

*In contrast, the Italians and French have figured out a lovely lifestyle balance over the centuries. Their wisdom and grace have created cherished global brands by blending artistic passion with commerce. Compare that with stunted Merchants of Avarice and their tunnel vision, feverishly seeking their next financial fix, kinda like a junkie.

*There’s a wry Aussie saying about things being shit-hot: 90% shit and 10% hot. Is this the internet these days? When this amazing invention arrived people with actual talent gave us marvels like Wikipedia, but now it’s been swamped with…… well, I’m glad I don’t spend $80 a month to have net access.

*When bile oozes out of certain politicians’ mouths I think of Seinfeld’s Elaine saying to George”What did your parents do to you?”.

*Philanthropists aren’t rich people handing out a minuscule proportion of their fortune via tax-dodging foundations. Philanthropists are ordinary kind people who give a small amount of money – maybe just a coin – to charities, street buskers, fund-raising kids etc. “Philanthropia” is Greek for love of people.

*The Merchant of Tennis. Everybody loves GOAT Roger Federer, and he seems to be a really nice bloke. But will his extraordinary good fortune (a $300 million clothing deal) cause more misery for workers in Third World countries? Corporations are ruthless and demand returns on their investments, by hook or by crook, hence horror stories of sweat shops and children working for pennies.

*Mike and Goliath 2. If the Catholic Church is unhappy with my “Mike and Goliath” 19 observations ago, it’s true I have no proof of any meddling that resulted in my website being temporarily banned. But it was a coincidence, and police detectives don’t believe in coincidences. Dirty tricks? That’d be sinful.

*Speaking of which, the Catholic Church finally admitted it was wrong and pardoned Galileo in 1992, 350 years after his death! The Italian astronomer was the first to use a telescope to debunk myths about the universe but – threatened with execution for heresy – he wisely renounced (publicly) his findings. However, he was exiled and when he died he presumably went to hell (if there is a hell), so probably doesn’t know about the pardon. His great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren must’ve been pleased though. Galileo’s only “crime” was to make some people look stupid.

*Speaking of which, I wonder how Jesus would’ve reacted, being a preacher of love, humility and charity….. and also being a victim of persecution, with extreme prejudice.

*Speaking of which, maybe we can shut up all those annoying scientists and their Global Warming findings by also putting them on trial for heresy? Can we still do that?

*Donald Trump’s great legacy: never again will the office of U.S. president be revered without question. Surely? Like the rest of us, leaders ought to earn respect, not be given it automatically. We flawed humans should never be put on a pedestal.

*Freedom of the press. That’s a laugh. Media giants are owned by corporations which require a certain type of government to, er, oil the wheels. This is why greedies, warmongers and eco vandals more or less run the world. If we had freedom of the press Global Warming would’ve been stopped decades ago because it’s clearly a no-brainer.

*Speaking of which, many people think the Trump Presidency is an aberration. Not when you look at the last few presidents! In fact, Trump’s election was predictable given how many Americans vote based on their conditioned prejudices, not logic. Take a bow the media.

*Speaking of which, the faceless people who pull the strings in Washington love it when dimwits are elected. I’m waiting for a Kardashian to run for president. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before there’s a strong enough will to change.

*I have no proof but I’m convinced dogs understand what we say. Our family border collie, Bo always wags his tail when I tell him he should be in Hollywood because he’s so handsome.

*Some people think I dislike rich people, and it’s because I’m envious. Come on, seriously? Mind you, when you see how money turns some very unexceptional people into arrogant callous narcissists, it’s mandatory to dislike them! Rich people are fine if they accept we live in societies, not gated communities, and they support fairness for all. Decent people don’t want ideologies that create winners and losers.

*Global Warming. We’ll know the mainstream media are finally serious – and it will happen – when they stop using the sugar-coated right-wing concocted term Climate Change. Not many signs yet, tragically.

*Global Warming. I’ve written a story on all the mainstream editors who haven’t lifted a finger to alert silent majority sheeple. When the editors are retired with their air conditioners on permanent maximum I’ll release the story under the headline “Shame shame shame”.

*Oh oh. We’re in deeper trouble than I thought. There’s a line in a 2018 hit song “I’ve seen it on TV, I know how it goes”.

*Protest action – whether it’s people out in the street or just a letter – is the lifeblood of democracy. Even if you have little hope of winning at least the bastards know you’re out there and won’t go away.

*Money for nothing. I bought some throat lozenges made by a Big Pharma corporation but it was only later that I read on the back of the packet “The efficacy of an antibacterial agent in lozenges in reducing the severity and duration of throat infections has not been clinically established”. The cheeky bastards! I could make a fortune selling placebo sugar pills used in clinical trials, and all I’d have to do is print something like this on the packet: “This product is absolutely useless but imagine how good you will feel popping a pill”. If only I was a sociopath.

*The buck stops there. Or maybe over there. Donald Trump’s employee selections have been so mind-bogglingly bad he really ought to tweet himself “You’re fired”.

*Speaking of which, we should dump democracy and switch to meritocracy. Let’s face it, we’ve given democracy a good go but it’s been mauled by sharks and is just wheezing away on life-support.

*Thousands and thousands of Mother Nature’s species have become/are becoming extinct because of human behaviour. So are words such as humble, modest, and unassuming. Is there a link between the fame obsession and widespread mental illness?

*Could a symbolic name and colour change for America’s most famous political building help that nation’s race relations? Is calling it The White House insensitive? Red would upset the Democrats, blue wouldn’t be acceptable to the Republicans, green would anger reactionary rednecks, pink would infuriate homophobes, yellow would enrage xenophobes, and black or brown would burst racists’ neck veins. Purple? Hmmm, we may have to think about that one. Beige would only offend the tiny minority with good taste. Apart from that the human species is in great shape.

*The U.S. spends an eye-watering one quarter of its budget on military stuff. Imagine how many Big Macs and Cokes that’d buy for foreign aid! The U.S. wants its allies (code for bootlickers) to sharply increase their military spending (“Look at all these fabulous shiny American war toys you could buy”). Apart from that the human species is in great shape.

*There’s always been pressure on young people to “succeed” but it seems worse these days with social media, fame obsession etc. Hey, become a politician. People have very low expectations of them!

*We know one of the greatest cons of all time – the hilarious Trickle Down Economic Theory – has been a huge success for the rich, but the rest of us with our heads tilted back and mouths open have parched throats. It’s time to try the Trickle Up Economic Theory.

*A blunt precis of televangelists I’ve been watching: join us now, or God will basically drop a nuclear bomb on you, but you won’t die, instead you’ll suffer eternal torment. Goodness gracious me, doesn’t that breach broadcasting standards?

*Speaking of protest action, I was surprised how relatively easy it was for me to have wins against a bank, an insurance company, and a local council in recent years. To cut a long story short it only required a few letters (they always automatically fob you initially because they think you’ll go away), a couple of complaints to ombudsmen, and on one occasion paying a $50 fee to go to the small claims court where lawyers are not allowed. When a court date was set I immediately got an offer of a couple of thousand dollars, provided I signed a confidentiality agreement. Sometimes we have a duty to get off our bums.

*Speaking of which, I have another one-man protest coming up soon, but this one is public and on behalf of hundreds of people. I’ll give you details ASAP.

*Speaking of which, my no.1 favourite saying is “Actions speak louder than words”. Mother Nature has been betrayed by politicians around the world who think words speak louder than actions, and wow she’s pissed off.

*Mates Rates. I live in New Zealand’s rural Northland which is dominated by dairy farmers and their right-wing politicians, and I’m shocked at the blatant “winners and losers” rates imposed by local councils. I’ve begun a protest on behalf of hundreds of ripped-off ratepayers. Bob Dylan’s song “What good am I” is about seeing injustice but doing nothing. I have some media skills in bringing issues to the public’s attention, but even if protest action has little chance of winning at least the bastards know that we know what they’re up to. If Silent Majority Sheeple choose to do nothing about the scammers, at least I tried. And The War on Dickheads WILL continue.

*Mates Rates 2. My protest involves letters to editors, the government, the Ombudsman etc…. and this public notice in several newspapers:

“Are you fed up with excessive increases in rates?

Many people regularly pay well above the average increases, while many pay less than the average.

Over the last 8 years my council rates have risen 110% (more than double the average), and my regional levy is up 155%.

I first complained about this unfair winners and losers system in 2013.

Perhaps a protest is needed. Mike Vincent”

*Mates Rates 3. “Freedom” of the press (snigger). At least one “community” newspaper says it won’t print my public notice because it’s “political”. What, an immoral rates system isn’t political? That’s right-wingers for you. Oh well, there’s more than one way to skin a rat.

*Speaking of which, winners and losers mentality is typical right-wing ideology that has no place in a civilised society. Only sociopaths think like that. And like all loud-mouth bullies they easily influence weak people.

*Speaking of which, “Ratesgate” has added more evidence to my decades of observing right-wingers’ modus operandi. It can be summed up: “Do unto others what decent people wouldn’t even think of doing”.

*Speaking of which, my region has some of New Zealand’s most polluted rivers but – apart from the usual shallow-as-a-birdbath lip service – the majority attitude is basically “Tell someone who cares. Such as a tree hugger”. Their grass is green but it’s not their favourite colour!

*Speaking of which, right-wingers (especially in rural areas) hate taxpayers’ money being spent on welfare, but when they themselves suffer hardship (eg, droughts) wow, their shrieks for taxpayer handouts are piercing! The word hypocrites springs to mind.

*Speaking of which, I’ve seen city folk rally to help their “country cousins” many times over the decades during tough times, but unfunnily enough I’ve never seen the reverse.

*The pre-recorded Mastermind quiz challenge between Donald Trump and North Korean leader what’shisname won’t be shown on TV. It ended in a nil-all draw after each president was asked 40 questions, and neither could get off the mark. And then in the tie-breaker Trump was unable to name one person smarter than him, while what’shisname stuck a finger in both ears so he couldn’t hear the question. The producers say it would’ve been the highest rating TV show ever, but it’s probably best (and kinder) to forget it ever happened.

*Speaking of which, we know the internet has many wonderful easily-accessed knowledge-improving resources (if we can be bothered to look!), but goodness gracious me it seems to be aiding and abetting the dumbing-down of the human species.

*Mates Rates 4. I’ll write the following to my local council before they set their 2019 rates:
“Since I’ve been in the LOSERS category for the last 8 years with my rates increases more than double the average, I’d like to reserve a place in the WINNERS category and pay less than the average. Perhaps previous WINNERS can carry some of the load”.

*Melodramatic Media. Whenever a right-wing government is about to be booted out of office (usually because voters have had a gutsful of blatant cronyism) its media mates launch a last-ditch hysterical the-sky-will-fall-in scare campaign. Of course, the sky doesn’t fall in. More fake news. Wouldn’t it be nice if the media just – oh, I dunno – reported actual news instead of making it up. I’d keep an eye on the sky though, with Mother Nature becoming increasingly irked.

*Right-wing fantasyland. My local council increased its rates 4.97% and its right-wing politicians bragged about their promise to keep rates under 5%. Goodness gracious me. The word delusional springs to mind, bless them. Apparently ratepayers are so dumb they’ll see a chasm in .03% and will rush out into the streets clicking their heels and singing “Happy days are here again”. Good old right-wingers – mean and tricky. They’re clever but not smart.

*Speaking of which, most of us (thankfully) live in countries that have left, centre, and right politics. Imagine living in the world’s most powerful nation where your only voting option is right-wing v. right-wing.

*Just when you think you know absolutely 100% what the worst-ever song is, along comes “Magic in the Hamptons”. It’s so fingernails-on-the-blackboard excrutiatingly awful I’m fairly sure it’ll be a Grammy contender.

*Dear reader. I’m one of the world’s worst typists and although I proofread my observations some mistakes slip through and may cause furrowed brows. I apologise. Please don’t think it’s clever cryptic writing by an intellectual giant who’s over your head. I entered journalism in my late teens and you’d think the first goal for anyone with a brain would be to advance beyond two-finger typing. But then, I am an Aussie.

*Speaking of which, here are some of my favourite jokes:
A typical Australian 7-course meal is a meat pie and a 6-pack of beer.
A new Australian health study says when you feel like you need more exercise, lie down until the feeling wears off.
Australia’s finance minister says there are three kinds of economists – those who can count and those who can’t.
A new study reveals the favourite past-time of 94% of Aussies is watching TV, and quite often they like to switch it on.

*The bad news about right-wing media windbags: there’s an endless supply of these ignorant destructive narcissists.
The good news about right-wing media windbags: their egos are so out-of-control they eventually crash and burn.

*The mystery about right-wing media windbags: how they get a mainstream job. Obviously their bosses love them because they parrot right-wing ideology, but it’s at the cost of half their readers/viewers/listeners who can’t stomach uninformed extremism.

*The hypocrisy of right-wing media windbags: if they were honest (snigger) they’d declare their conflict-of-interest in detesting governments that quite correctly cancel outrageous tax cuts for rich people like them. But of course they’re not.

*Gambling ads that begin “When you play……” should be changed to “When you give us your money with virtually no chance of getting anything back…..”.

*Watching beloved Joanna Lumley’s travel shows on Japan, Russia and Greece I wonder why we can’t have world leaders of her quality. What a beautiful mind and heart. People everywhere love her warmth, respect, sincerity, intelligence and gentle humour. She’s an Earthling who would inspire kindness and unity, in contrast to vulgar jingoistic nationalists whose only “talent” is to inspire hatred and disunity. I want Joanna to be World President!

*Racists who vent their bigotry with a smile – as if they’re only joking and think this will soften their evil – are more offensive than those whose faces are distorted with hatred. At least the latter aren’t two-faced.

*Forget Black Holes, there’s a bigger mystery! How can a nation of more than 300 million people consistently produce some of the world’s best in science, medicine, technology, the arts, and sport – but some of the consistently worst in politics?

*Speaking of which, how can a deeply religious nation produce so many immoral people in politics and business?

*Speaking of which, how can a nation with serious character flaws send so many people to other countries to preach morality?

*Maybe there is karma. 7 observations ago I finished a mini-series on right-wing media windbags. Minutes after emailing them to my grandson Alex in Liverpool to add to the website I saw this news story: “Alan Jones and his radio station to pay $3.75 million for defamation”. Jones is Australia’s vilest right-wing loudmouth who once claimed that former Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s dad died of shame because she’s a liar, and that she should be dumped in the ocean in a sack! Obviously the station should have sacked this creep years ago, but he would’ve been replaced by another reptile. The good news is – only 3% of Sydney’s population listen to him, and a mere .2% of Australia’s population watch his pay-TV show.

*There’s a lot of psychobabble about getting a good sleep. Some experts suggest switching off our brain when we go to bed. I don’t think any of us is capable of switching off the world’s greatest computer! I assume they mean don’t think. All those people who grace reality-TV must find it easy to sleep soundly.

*Pots and kettles. The private sector loves to sneer at the public sector and its frustrating bureaucratic ways. But how many times do we try to get answers to simple queries from businesses and experience red-tape jargon such as “We can’t do that, it’s not our policy”. Ideologies (left or right) are all the same – simple-minded.

*Speaking of which, two of the worst political offenders in my lifetime were Reagan and Thatcher with their sound-bites “philosophies”. Sure, they won elections – but at what cost to the survival of the human species.

*Speaking of which, Mother Nature and her beautiful Earth will still be here long after humans have gone (if we are determined to commit mass suicide). She keeps knocking on our door: “Hullo! Is anybody home? I have some urgent information”.

*Even if you can’t grow a moustache you can still join the police. Every police station has a drawer full of fake moustaches.

*Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But mostly it’s plagiarism. I adore The Doors but they got what they deserved when sued for imitating The Kinks’ “All day and all of the night” with their hit song “Hello, I love you”. Vivaldi’s part-10 of his 300-year old masterpiece “The four seasons” has obviously been imitated in movies such as “Psycho” and “Jaws”, and it’d be a lovely gesture if the Vivaldi family were back-paid some of the royalties.

*Right-wing ideology (personal experience). I did the top-rating (somewhat satirical) breakfast news on an Auckland radio station in 1992 and – among other things – called the Finance and Social Welfare Ministers “the gruesome twosome” because of savage spending cuts (which didn’t affect the rich of course). But when New Zealand’s biggest company – a notorious corporate raider – bought the station I was sacked. A coincidence? Police detectives don’t believe in coincidences. Being a solo dad I contacted the Social Welfare Department for help and was asked if I had any money. About $2,000, I said. Well, spend that first, then get back to us. (Insert a gobsmacked sound here). Perhaps I should’ve said I was broke and put the money under my mattress, but of course politicians can’t stand dishonesty. Fortunately I had a friend at a radio station in my home-town Adelaide (a forever thanks, Neil) and had enough money for my 14-year old son and me to travel to Australia. There are millions of PERMANENT victims of immoral ideologies around the world.

*Speaking of which, it’s extraordinary the number of right-wing politicians who grew up in poor families. Have they such a huge chip on their shoulder that they want to make others suffer? And of course the weak are the easiest targets for bullies. Or perhaps they always were nasty sociopaths.

*Many people think J.S. Bach is the greatest composer. I like some of his music but I love Bach because of his enormous and generous admiration for my favourite composer Vivaldi. Ditto Keith Richards, Eric Clapton, Pete Townsend, Bob Dylan and Neil Young for similar heartfelt feelings about Jimi Hendrix. It’s no surprise though. That’s true artists for you.

*Speaking of which, The Rolling Stones are the most legendary artists ever, born in 1963 and still getting big crowds to their concerts 55-years later in 2018! There’s a delightful TV interview with a polite kid-next-door Mick Jagger in 1965 when he expressed amazement that his band was still around. As it turned out 1965/66 sealed their greatness with several no.1 singles and the no.1 album Aftermath.

*Speaking of which, it was hilarious watching all the copycats emerge, thinking they were in the same league as the greatest rock band ever. “Our guitarist is as good as Jimmy Page and our singer is as good as Robert Plant”. Obviously they weren’t and even worse were their knucklehead songs, chalk v. cheese 2D v. 3D compared with Led Zeppelin’s decade of clever creative interesting intelligent songs and stunning sounds. Being up yourself can only go so far.

*Statistically, every 7th house in any street has a sociopath. Among other things they have no empathy, so it doesn’t bother them if their dog barks incessantly. Our neighbourhood has such a dog but mercifully it lives half a kilo-metre (not kilOMetre) from my place. It’s claimed dogs can have similar traits to their owner, so this owner must be a highly-strung idiot. I’d love the owner to knock on my door one day to ask a favour so I could use my favourite Larry David line “Nah, I don’t think so”.

*Speaking of which, how disrespectful, pronouncing it HiROSHima. Why not be consistently offensive and also pronounce it NaGASaki, in honour of the 105,000 men, women and children in those cities who were nuked by America on August 6 and 9 in 1945.

*I live on my own and only go out once a week so I really appreciate my DVD player displaying “Hello” when I switch it on each day. I’d love my TV, stereo, microwave, toaster, shaver, electric toothbrush and washing machine to also greet me, preferably by speaking. My first-choice greeting would be “Ahoy there sexy”.

*Watching televangelists, we clearly don’t have to be Christians to oppose and even fight evil. I’m sure that’ll count for something if there is a God.

*Speaking of which, if anything bad happened to me because of my Mates Rates campaign, I hope police detectives don’t suddenly change their minds and start believing in coincidences!

*There seem to have been a few duds in The White House in recent decades, with many people thinking “Oh oh, we’ve got four years of this”. Voters never really know how a candidate will turn out, so give them more choice on election day. What about offering several terms on the ballot paper, from the usual 4-years down to 1-year or even just 6-months? A trial period. If a candidate only got 6-months but did a good job, they could be given longer at the next election. Sure, it’d be terribly expensive if you had elections every 6-months, but anything would be better than the current system of 4-years of unrelenting stupidity.

*Speaking of which, I like the idea of throwing out a government after only one term. Keep politicians on their toes. They get too comfortable, too arrogant when re-elected.

*I mentioned Hiro-shima and Naga-saki six observations ago. The U.S. president who was the first (and so far only) leader to nuke a city was Harry Truman. Wow, what a rush, so he nuked another city 3-days later! Like a true man. What creepy irony, having that surname. For thousands of years true men have been butchering people. We humans perversely call ourselves Homo Sapiens (wise man). Yeah I know, it’s a chuckle. Come on, let’s stop being silly and change it to Homo Dumbo.

*Pulling out all the stops (depending). Governments frantically digito extracto when rich people’s money is threatened, such as when banks and other corporations shoot themselves in the foot. That good old market-forces ideology quickly gets shoved out of the way! They’re too big to fail! But Mother nature isn’t.

*Some people think my observations can be obscure. I guess that’s a communication failure by me, although many people generally like to connect their own dots.

*”May God have mercy on your soul” seems too lame for those string-’em-up judges in America’s south when handing out the death sentence. I can imagine them snarling (as they spray spittle over their bench) “May the Devil feast on your eternal stinking rotten carcass”.

*Global Warming. Donald Trump thinks it’s a gigantic hoax invented by hundreds of thousands of scientists who have been bribed by Greenpeace. But because he’s an incredibly smart guy he has contingency plans from A to Z, and more. His favourite is an air-conditioned indoor golf course (18-holes) so he and his pals can still play if it’s too hot outside.

*Speaking of which, people keep predicting that “Humpty Trumpty will have a great fall” but I actually think he could be re-elected, especially if Hillary Clinton runs again. It’s a shame she didn’t defeat Trump so her husband could revisit the Oval Office (the OO) and reminisce about all the good times he had there.

*Speaking of which, when you read about all the good times that have gone on in the Oval Office, goodness gracious me imagine all the DNA samples they’d find there. OO.

*Mates Rates 5. The good news is – our region’s only daily newspaper and 2 community papers have published Stage 1 of my public awareness campaign about our immoral “winners and losers” rates system.

The bad news is – 4 community papers ( community?) have refused to publish my succinct documented revelation. They say it’s “political”. They wouldn’t even allow me to pay for a public notice! Meantime they give free space to the offending councillors to express their apparently non-political spin. See what I mean about right-wingers being clever but not smart. Instead of fixing an obvious problem they pour petrol on the fire. Ideological fanatics. I thanked the 4 papers for giving me even more material (eg. censorship in a “democratic” country) for my rates campaign, and also for The War On Dickheads.

*Global Warming. An apology to my darling grandchildren. I am ashamed of my generation. They’ve been given decades of political opportunities to help Mother Nature in many simple ways, but have basically declared IDGAF. Yet they become apoplectic when there are changes to screening times for their favourite TV shows, especially Coronation Street! This generation will happily selfishly cynically leave you a colossal stinking mess. Please remember there were many people with good hearts who did try to do something.

*Many high-achievers who go into politics after glittering wealthy careers turn out to be duds. Perhaps it’s because they are used to focussing on numbers not people, and fail to understand they can’t just represent a favoured few. Voters eventually spot the fakes. Politics needs pragmatic people from humanitarian vocations. We need wise people with a heart, not Flash Harrys/Harriets.

*It’s going to be awfully tight but if we can just get politicians to stop looking cross-eyed at their nose and lift their gaze to the big wide world – and stop kowtowing to ideological extremists – we may still have time to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

*Global Warming. Why are there so many sceptics? Actually there aren’t any sceptics. There are lots of compulsively argumentative people, the sort who deny there was a Moon landing or a Holocaust. Poor old Galileo encountered this – we don’t want your facts, we want our fiction. And then there are the Greedies who know we face an eco-disaster but will do whatever it takes to leave it to others to foot the bill. So, with the help of the malleable media, they are allowed to keep muddying the water.

*Capitalism’s great pay-packet gift to top bureaucrats was to change their job titles to CEO. For example, local councils used to be run by Town Clerks but when they became CEOs their salaries soared. School principals and police/fire chiefs should lobby to be called CEO!

*Speaking of which, I dreamt I was interviewing corporate bosses and asked why they shun ethics, and they all asked me to spell it.

*Speaking of which, I interviewed a senior banker in the 1990s and asked if profits and CEO salaries keep skyrocketing while ordinary people fall further and further behind, isn’t a shamelessly unjust system that’s been rigged by elites unsustainable and will eventually collapse? He said “Yeah, I suppose so”.

*Some people think I must have an ulterior motive doing my Mates Rates campaign, perhaps to get a public profile to enter politics. Yes, you’re right, ordinary people can’t simply see wrong-doing and do something about it! Pathetically, in the shrivelled world of cynics, everyone has an agenda. With so many people thinking like that no wonder politics and corporations have undergone ethics cleansing.

*If you love dogs you love them all, but are there better natural entertainers than labradors? Our family chocolate was looking in through my rear glass sliding door and saw his reflection on the front glass sliding door, so he raced around to the front door, only to see the strange dog now at the rear door. He thought about it for a few seconds and obviously decided “Nah, this is too much hard work”, so he had a lie-down.

*”Kilo-metres, Hiro-shima, don’t you have bigger issues to worry about?”. Yes, but there’s method to my nitpicking. If we can chip away and get more people to use commonsense perhaps we can usher in an exciting new era of rational thinking that’ll stop people voting for idiots.

*Something I’d love to see before I die (er, sorry, pass away). A good-hearted politician who declares “I say what I mean and mean what I say” while taking a lie-detector test and passing. What a great idea for an election campaign TV ad!

*Speaking of which, what a great idea for all candidates in election campaigns! It’d separate the wheat from the chaff if they were all required to take lie-detector tests. We don’t have time anymore for political time-wasters.

*Speaking of which, there should be a law banning politicians from using the most disingenuous sentence ever created by spin doctors: “We’ll do all we can”.

*When film of the beheading of American journalist James Foley by terrorists was seen around the world in 2014, New York’s Daily News newspaper splashed “Savages” on its front page.
When film of the napalm bombing of children in Vietnam by American warplanes was seen around the world in 1972, the Daily News did NOT splash “Savages” on its front page.

*What did you do for a job when you were young, Daddy? I dropped napalm bombs on Vietnamese children. But I was only carrying out orders, like prison guards in Nazi concentration camps. Anyway, I still need treatment for PTSD, whereas those children don’t, they’re resting peacefully.

*Daddy, did all that bombing stop a communist takeover of Vietnam? Um, no. So did the predicted domino effect happen and the rest of Southeast Asia become communist? Um, no. So what was the point of all that slaughter? Um, you’ll have to ask the warmongers who still control Washington. They’re much smarter than me. But I’m sure it wasn’t just to make lots of money for corporations that manufacture military equipment. That’d be evil.

*Mates Rates 6. I’ve begun Stage 2 of my public awareness campaign with this letter to the council.
“I wrote to you two months ago about your ‘Winners and Losers’ rates system but haven’t had a reply. I have two questions: 1) Are the Mayor and councillors paying more than the average increase this year, or less, or the average – or have their rates actually decreased? 2) Do you use a list of names or occupations to ensure certain ‘winners’ pay less than the average increase? Because public money is involved I assume I can get the answers. All the best, Mike Vincent”.

*Speaking of which, I’m wondering if I should have an official name for my campaign against the Kaipara District Council, to give it more oomph. I quite like Fairness in Rates Kaipara, or FIRK. Win or lose I could have the slogan “Firk’n’ hell”.

*That was my 800th observation! I’m so excited, I’m on Cloud 10! I’m so excited, I’m going to throw a party at my place and everyone is invited! I’m so excited, I’m going to keep using exclamation marks! But seriously, when my grandson Alex set up my website in early 2017 I had no idea we had such a monuMENTAL dickheads crisis. Most people seem aware we have mankind-threatening problems, yet for some bizarre reason they are attracted to politicians who have dazzling ineptitude. Mind you, humans have been lemming-like bewitched by flashy egomaniacs for thousands of years.

*”Claims of Global Warming are nonsense and Donald Trump says so and he should know because he’s president and is an expert on all kinds of stuff and wouldn’t be where he is today if he was stupid. He sums up complex issues in a few simple words on Twitter whereas those windbag scientists go on and on about nothing. They wouldn’t know if their arse was on fire”. Tell you what, mate (speaking of which) I’d keep a close eye on your arse because it could burst into flames in the not-too-distant future as spontaneous combustion becomes increasingly common.

*Ronald Reagan’s Star Wars “defence” missile system in the 80s, Donald Trump’s Space Fleet in the teensies – those faceless Washington Warmongers must wet themselves coming up with these genius ways to hand over even more taxpayers’ money to private corporations. The poor things, it must be demoralising to be constantly told there isn’t enough money for their schemes. Sadly, this is what happens when rich people are allowed to avoid tax. Don’t despair! Getting rid of public schools and hospitals would free up billions of dollars for these vital military projects. It’d be a much more intelligent use of taxpayers’ money. Sometimes a bit of pain is necessary for the greater good. Not all right-wing ideology is stupid.

*When I become World President I’ll pass a law banning our children from turning 40. We oldies have enough time on our hands as it is to worry about stuff without being reminded of our age and the approaching finish line.

*Every artistic molecule in our body screams out to attend concerts by our favourite musicians, but I can’t. I can barely listen to live albums. Jimi Hendrix’s magnificent makeover of Bob Dylan’s “Like a rolling stone” in San Francisco in 1968 (The Jimi Hendrix Experience 2013 CD3) unleashes cosmic guitar sounds, but during a brief lull when we can pinch ourselves to confirm the magic that’s just washed over us there’s a philistine in the huge crowd who shatters the spell with one of those hideous mindless piercing whistles. That’s like being in an art gallery and picking your nose while looking at a Van Gogh.

*Speaking of which, I hope there is a God and an afterlife so artists such as Van Gogh, Turner, Vivaldi and Jimi Hendrix know how much their talent is treasured. Vivaldi was Europe’s rock star 300 years ago but died a broke has-been after 20 years of fame and fortune, and his music was only rediscovered by chance 200 years later. It was meant to happen. And music lovers will always be thankful for this incredibly lucky gift. My heart sings as I listen to some of my 90 CD Vivaldi collection first thing every morning, marvelling at how beautifully this genius revolutionised classical music with all of his astonishing 500+ concertos. I’ve listened to all the famous composers and for me Vivaldi will always be head and shoulders, a giant whispering “Eat my dust”.

*From what I can gather, the often talked about American Dream is basically work like a maniac, make a pile of money, and spend the rest of your life vacuously buying expensive stuff. I prefer the little talked about Aussie Dream – work at a civilised pace to get to the weekend for a barbie and beers.

*When the speed limit is 50 kilo-metres per hour some drivers want it raised to 60. When it’s 100 they want 110 or even 120. I bet if we had 200 kph some still wouldn’t be happy! It’s as if they have a kamikaze gene. The big fear for sane drivers is being wiped out by someone so incompetent they’re always running late.

*Chemical Haze. I had a couple of minor health issues recently which led to a pill-popping spree, peaking at an insane 26 pills in a day. Goodness gracious me, one painkiller had a side-effect that required another pill! The before and after was astonishing. In the 2 weeks before my spree I wrote 36 observations. During the spree I managed only 6 in 2 weeks. Was I brain-deadish from all the chemicals? With pill-popping records being set every year, is the human species becoming brain-deadish?

*We often hear former American presidents addressed “Mr President”. Huh? There’s respect, and there’s brown-nosing. What’s wrong with the accurate “Mr ex President”?

*Speaking of which, it wasn’t funny at the time and still isn’t but “Mr ex President” George Bush junior gave many of us a lifetime chuckle when his warmonger government banned a man of love and peace (who even had a famous hit song “Peace train”) from entering the U.S. because he was a bearded Muslim, like Osama bin Laden. Yeah but they all look the same.

*Life often seems like a series of jigsaw puzzles with pieces scattered everywhere, and then something miraculous pops into place. A fluke, or destiny? It’s heartbreaking that so many poor souls find life too much of a puzzle and can’t take any more pain. You wonder if their pieces might’ve been close to popping into place. Life is so fragile, tenuous, a roll of the dice.

*Back to me and my health, did my amazing PC know I was getting crook and deliberately increase my pre pill-popping spree observations in anticipation of a reduced output because of the chemicals? Far-fetched? Nothing about our brilliant brains should surprise.

*Back to me, myself and I, the great thing about working for a community radio station is that when I make stuff-ups on air listeners are inclined to be charitable and think “Poor old Vinny, he’s having more equipment problems”.

*Speaking of which, I was thrilled when a poll a few years ago found my music show was the best on the internet. 6 people were surveyed – my parents, children, and ex-wife. 5 said it was the best, one said it was the worst. Which proves not all polls are dodgy. My parents are now dead (er, sorry, passed away) but I’ll do an update soon by polling my grandchildren.

*Speaking of which, Donald Trump says his own polls indicate he’ll win 95% of the vote in the 2020 presidential election. Many say goodness gracious me the man is delusional. Trump says see, that’s why so much news is fake, because of people like that.

*Speaking of which, Trump really should become an author when he leaves the White House. He has a rare talent for fiction and fairy-tales.

*Mates Rates 7. This is my latest letter-to-the-editor in my public awareness campaign.

“Although my council rates increases have been 7 times the inflation rate over the last 8 years (more than double the average rates increases) thankfully I’ve found various ways to cut my spending in other areas to compensate. I’m an old-age pensioner and can make do without the internet and pay-TV. I’ve reduced my insurance premiums by having maximum excesses, only 3rd party property car cover, and no household contents cover. I’ve lowered my power bill by only using the hot water once a day for a quick shower (for other hot water I use the jug). I use less petrol by only going out once a week, and I can keep my phone bill down by not making toll calls to family in Auckland. These measures have helped me save the hundreds of dollars year I’m being unfairly charged by the council.”

Footnote: “Well done” the Nobel committee for awarding Bob Dylan its Literature Prize in October 2016. A negative nitpicking knocker might have said: “It’s about time!” After all, Bob was 75 at the time and had been writing his wonderful musical poetry for more than half a century. Predictably, shrivelled cloistered literary snobs shrieked their ignorant condemnation.

Love and thanks to my grandson Alex Campanella for his cherished gift – this website.