*When sports people win major events politicians often stage “heroes” parades (at taxpayers’ expense). No parades are ever held for heroes such as social services volunteers. A trophy/medal winning “hero” doesn’t improve the lives of ordinary people, but their life certainly improves.
*We’ve had 3 U.S. presidents in 24 years – could we see 4 in 32? They’re all similar in some ways (macho warmongers with massive egos), yet they are entertainingly different. One insisted oral sex isn’t much more than a hug. Another pioneered a hilarious variation of the English language. Then we had 8-years of world record verbosity. And then came a man who’s modelled himself on legendary cartoon rooster, Foghorn Leghorn.
*Many people have no interest in being rich and are actually grateful they need bugger all to thoroughly enjoy a rich life. But are there enough of them to prevent mankind’s suicide?
*It’s reassuring to know the Pentagon has a contingency plan for a zombie attack. I assume it also has plans to combat vampires, Darth Vader, the Riddler, the Joker, Lex Luthor etc.
*Patriotism may have meant something noble once upon a time, but now camouflages and gratifies a Stone Age bloodlust while helping military corporations make a financial killing.
*The oil industry has always claimed it really really cares about the environment, and I can give you a shining example of their sincerity. A TV ad for an oil company shows a couple of people planting some trees. True, TV ads are not documentaries and they could’ve been actors, but (to quote The Monkees) I’m a believer.
*The bad news about warmongers: billionaires (especially military corporations) love endless contrived armed conflicts around the world because they keep making a fortune from them.
The good news about warmongers: they don’t see much profit in World War 3’s Big Bang.
Gosh, aren’t we fortunate.
*Why do people say “shoot” when we all know butter melts in their mouth and these potty-mouthed bastards desperately wanted to scream a bloodcurdling “shit!”.
*Global Warming. What on Earth is that almighty sound, a volcanic eruption? No, it’s a gigantic penny that’s dropped.
*Global Warming. But right-wing governments kept telling us everything was okay. Look, are you sitting down, I’ll try to break this to you as gently as possible – they lied.
*Global Warming. But I had no idea it was this bad. Yes you did, scientists have warned us since 1975 but people like you kept voting in politicians who didn’t give a stuff because their primary job was to look after corporate mates.
*There are two types of kindness: unconditional and conditional. The latter’s attached strings can be so subtle it’s hard to spot the ulterior motive. Or they can be obvious, such as when TV cameras are present. On second thoughts, there’s only one type of kindness.
*Left-wing, right-wing, no-wing. Some people prefer being wingless so their feet stay on the ground.
*Someone has suggested Donald Trump be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. But seriously, why not? They gave one to Barack Obama. Although to be fair to Obama, compared with his immediate predecessor he seemed like a hippie with flowers in his hair.
*The world is full of clever people who know how to make lots of money (Rupert Murdoch, Donald Trump, Bill Gates, that Facebook tosser, ad nauseam) but wise people are obviously in short supply.
*Speaking of which, former American TV chat show host Jay Leno owns 169 expensive cars (at last count). Some say it’s a hobby, others say it’s a sickness.
*We have a lovable chocolate labrador in the family, but we’ve had too many labradors over the years for me to be fooled by their angelic faces. One used to have a paint tin lid attached to his collar with the sign “Please don’t feed me”. Our current treasure is named Harry but I call him Cheeky Chunky Chocko. Or used to. Now he’s called the Steak Stealer.
*I’m surprised the people who pooh-pooh the 99.9% of scientists (the ones not bribed by corporations) who say Global Warming has been observable since the 1970s don’t also scoff at all the other scientific discoveries since – I dunno – 3000 BC.
*Some people are outraged that I called Russian composer Stravinsky (1882-1971) an “envious buffoon”. Come on, be fair. His disparaging remarks about Vivaldi were stupid. Anyway, being a famous composer and buffoon are not mutually exclusive. Goodness gracious me, you could be the U.S. president and still be a buffoon.
*Some people prefer relaxing on a tropical beach as a way of life. Others prefer dropping bombs.
*Laugh until you die. He may be leading us to World War 3 or eco-catastrophe but Donald Trump is very entertaining. What a card. A Trump card!
*I get the feeling that many (all?) world leaders are holding their breath until the next U.S. presidential election.
*I don’t know if there is or isn’t a God but it’s interesting that I’m always sending my thanks out into the Cosmos. Maybe it’s just a recluse thing.
*It’s interesting that many people who are adamant there’s a God have no real respect let alone love for Mother Nature, God’s greatest creation, if there is a God.
*Labradors are the most alert, attentive dogs I’ve ever seen. I’m sure it’s because they think there could be a snack at any moment!
*The greatest con ever? Trickle Down Economic Theory. It was created by the wealthy to benefit the wealthy by taking from the masses and giving to the rich. Just one teeny flaw. The frenzied greed that’s been unleashed is dooming us. For example, as Global Warming worsens vital water will be…. down to a trickle.
*Mother Nature has had a successful formula for billions of years but after only 250 years of industrialisation we brilliant and humble humans apparently know
better.
*As clever as inventions such as the internet are they don’t quite compare with Mother Nature creating humans from single-cell organisms that lived in oceans 3.5 billion years ago.
*What’s the big deal? U.S. governments have always let corporations get hold of taxpayers’ money. Donald Trump is just getting a piece of the action. He deserves some compensation after spending a small nation’s GDP on his presidential election campaign.
*Phone calls from scammers are fun. I’ve had several informing me of a technical problem with my computer, and I inform them (truthfully) I don’t have a computer. Another favourite is being in the draw for free plane tickets, and me advising (truthfully) I hate air travel. I think I’ll tell the next scammer “I died yesterday and am speaking from Heaven and watching you”.
*”Royalty” belongs to Ye Olden Tymes when rich people seized power by killing lots of people, forcing peasants to do their dirty work. Anachronism springs to mind. It comes from a Greek word meaning “mistake in time”.
*I glimpsed this prime-time TV news headline while flicking through the channels: “Dogs love pats”. Damn! The important information that I miss out on by not watching TV news.
*Freedom and….. cronyism. Run-down public schools and hospitals, constipated roads because of laughable public transport, obviously no imaginative projects like bullet trains, regular tax breaks and cuts for the wealthy. The contrast between decent and truly awful governments is breathtaking. In fact, the mismanagement of some western economies is more than incompetence and warrants criminal prosecution.
*It’s claimed the moral measure of a society is the way it treats the elderly and disadvantaged. I think it’s also the way it treats the wealthy.
*A sport mystery. Why are so many unexceptional golfers millionaires? I assume it’s linked to golf being the activity of choice for corporate bosses, and the resultant massive corporate sponsorship of golf. It’s ironical because mediocrity is supposedly the enemy of capitalism!
*Shooting yourself in the foot. Successive warmongering British governments – egged on as usual by airhead tabloid newspapers – have caused massive death, destruction, misery and refugee crises for decades but have contributed bugger all to cleaning up their mess. In fact Britain threw such a tantrum at being pressured to do its moral duty it voted to exit Europe. Oops. Even a Prime Minister had to resign over this monumental clanger. Among other things, why should Britons be allowed continued easy access to Europe’s cherished tourist spots? And why should England and teams like Manchester United and Liverpool be allowed to play in European competitions? Divorce is painful in all sorts of unimagined ways.
*Negative nitpicking knockers who say some people have too much time on their hands are talking out of their you-know-what. Too much time is never enough. Seriously, who wants too little time! I’ve never seen this newspaper headline: “He/she died unnecessarily young but will be remembered for their dedication to their job”.
*Global Warming? Rubbish, look at all the snow and ice. Science shmience. Those photos from space showing Earth is round were clearly doctored. Um, democracy is great in theory.
*Hope for Homo Dumbo? It’s heartening to see so many young Americans on all those tiny house TV programs, shunning mindless status symbols that only impress idiots.
*Pardon? An awful lot – and a lot of awful – gibberish is written about art and I’d like to make a contribution. When I’m enjoying Mother Nature by Van Gogh and Turner I feel I’m getting a glimpse of her soul. I’m not sure that makes sense. Nor this by a professional art critic: “The title, pointing to a transcendental, hallucinating realm, suggests an association of the graphic structures with an inexorable, universal proliferation”.
*Jesus died a couple of thousand years ago and televangelists say he’ll be back, in a “Second Coming”. He must be getting impatient by now! Mind you, scientists say humans evolved over millions of years, so perhaps the son of God has made several earlier appearances.
*Oozing with sincerity: gambling ads. The tiny print at the bottom reads “Please gamble responsibly” but it’s really saying “If you want to gift us $100 instead of $200 that’s fine because we’re still making a fortune from suckers like you”.
*Back to the drawing board? All political systems have flaws but America’s favours-for-favours madness is creating Frankensteins and seems beyond repair. A good start to any reform would be compulsory voting. Otherwise don’t pretend to be a democracy.
*Mid-life crisis? I’m not sure about that because life is full of ups and downs, but I’m pretty sure there’s an end-of-life crisis.
*I wonder if senior U.S. government officials receive money from military corporations to lobby for conflict? It could explain the decades of endless lunacy.
*When I’m reading about the inspirational Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela I feel like weeping not only in joy but also in sorrow. And when I compare them with other world leaders over the past few decades I feel like weeping in despair.
*I’d give those world leaders (by and large) a D- with the comment “mediocre underachiever who had no vision”.
*And looking at the quality of corporate leadership by graduates from Harvard, Yale etc I fail to see how those business schools are considered “prestigious”.
*”Oh, it must be my birthday” thought our peckish family labrador Harry when he spotted a large rump steak while the kitchen was unwisely unguarded momentarily.
*Ex-great Britain’s empire began shrinking a couple of hundred years ago but colonialism is clearly alive and unwell, even if it’s de facto.
*Goodness gracious me, imagine if aggressive colonisation returned (perhaps to secure food and water supplies) and the same policies were carried out, such as exterminating the indigenous people.
*A promo for the TV show “Inside Windsor Castle” claimed the whole world loves the royal family. Something I’d love to see is the whole world not automatically believing whatever the melodramatic media claim.
*Something I’d love to see are universities offering a degree in scepticism – a BS.
*The war on drugs. The war on terror. The war on Mexican toddlers. Running out of ideas for war? Never! Not while we have shareholders to look after.
*I sent the above observation to a news magazine but they thought it was vague. I thought surely the readers are capable of joining their own dots. Do we need to be led by the nose? Bob Dylan’s enigmatic epic “Desolation Row” will always be a mystery to me (it may even be nonsense) but who cares, we still love it. Ditto Mona Lisa’s faint smile. Perhaps she’d just farted, although being a lady I’m sure it was a tiny one, although that’s a bit sexist, maybe it was an almighty thunderclap. Or perhaps Leo had just told her a dirty joke. Our guesses are as good as any.
*Oh the irony. Right-wingers hate income tax but love war, yet modern income tax was introduced a couple of hundred years ago to fund war. Right-wingers also love user-pays, so let’s make war user-pays.
*Growing up in Australia I heard the expression “I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire”. That’s harsh, I thought, smiling, obviously certain they were speaking figuratively! Mind you, if you want to find out how unbelievably obnoxious some people are talk to anyone in customer service. Sometimes you hope karma is real.
*Many people think soccer dives and basketball flops etc are pathetic and embarrassing, and disgrace professional sport. But they’re fantastic for a laugh and are essential in helping mediocre players compete with good players. As for players who throw hilarious tantrums, umpires should hand them a lollipop.
*Some people think Americans are up themselves for calling their domestic sport competitions “world” championships, but many of us think it’s a hoot. In fact the cheeky Aussies have been inspired, and tongue-in-cheek refer to various “world” records in their domestic Australian Rules national football league (the AFL).
*War exercises maintain the cash flow for military corporations when things are quiet and there’s no actual war going on.
*Tourists who go to the U.S. while it has racist travel bans should be ashamed of themselves. Throughout history decent but spineless people have turned a blind eye to evil. Money doesn’t talk, it screeches. If tourists boycotted America those bans would be revoked very quickly. In the meantime perhaps the Statue of Liberty should be dismantled.
*When England and Spain invaded Australia and North/South America several hundred years ago the indigenous people should’ve had travel bans in place.
*There’s a lot of hate in some politicians. Perhaps they were bullied at school, or were refused entry to an exclusive nightclub or golf club, or cruel people made fun of their hair. Excluding warmongers, humanity needs hatred like a hole in the ozone layer.
*I wonder if France regrets gifting the Statue of Liberty to the U.S. now that the noble original democratic ideals have been trashed by a plutocratic elite who’ve created a warmongering money-making monster.
*Pushing sand up a hill with a comb? Humanity obviously needs all hands on deck, needs many more people to lift their eyes from the small picture to the big picture, but is that a forlorn hope?
*When I broadcast the news in 1989 that serial killer Ted Bundy had been executed I added “good riddance to bad rubbish”. I still say that (to myself) when certain politicians retire or – even better – are defeated! You can tell if a politician has a good heart, or not.
*Speaking of cold-blooded reptiles, when certain politicians retire or – even better – are defeated, I can sense a dark cloud lift, replaced by rays of hope and wisdom.
*The good news on “The War on Terror”: although laws protecting our privacy have been shredded there are still loopholes. In New Zealand, for example, clothing stores can still advertise bomber jackets.
The good news on “The War on Terror” for the rich: there’s no money left for “The War on Tax Cheats”.
*The good news on getting old: there are more and more answers to life’s mysteries. My big fear though is that just as I realise the answer to the last remaining Big Question, just as a huge light goes on, I’ll be on my deathbed and with my final breath I’ll gasp “Ahhh, so that’s…….”. Damn.
*Fantasy bucket list. I’d love to be a centre court chair umpire at Wimbledon. “Come on people, settle down”, I’d bark.
And “The gentleman in the blue striped shirt, if you can’t stop coughing would you please leave the stadium”, I’d say in my best sarcastic Basil Fawlty impression.
I’d also love to be allowed a PA system on the top of my Getz so I could offer friendly advice to other drivers.
*Nup, my hopes for Homo Dumbo have dived again, my glass is half empty. When American guru Kylie Jenner revealed she’d had a “lip filler” it apparently sparked a 70% increase in this procedure. Fingers crossed we’ll soon have a cranium filler to, like, you know, inject some brain cells in there and this will reduce the echo.
*Watching Wimbledon on TV, some players do those annoying hand jerks every single time they win a point, so to turn a negative into a positive I imagine they are signalling to their opponent “You’re a wanker”. I won three South Australian junior tennis championships but in the end I also was too highly strung.
*Men2boyz. After catching glimpses of the 2018 soccer World Cup I was inspired to roll around on the ground groaning when I hit a thumb while hammering. My grandkids had a good laugh.
*War and/or Peace. It has nothing to do with hawks versus doves. That’s just simple-minded spin. It’s all about psychopaths versus commonsense.
*TV current affairs circa 2018. Getting to the bottom of the big issues, such as the most popular underpants colours. I remember when these programs were top-rating, when they actually covered interesting stories. Yes but advertisers want the younger viewers because they spend more money, money they don’t actually have, but we make sure the male actors have stubble/beards and wear glasses so they look intelligent, even though going deeper into debt isn’t really intelligent.